


White Sabered || Reader x Kylo Ren

by vrlouise



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Eventual Smut, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Possessive Kylo Ren, Protective Kylo Ren, Top Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 30,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23110924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vrlouise/pseuds/vrlouise
Summary: You live on a small planet somewhere along the Outer Rim. Small villages are scattered all throughout the forests and mountainsides, and you are one of the few defenders entrusted to protect the planet. When Kylo Ren attacks, it is left up to you to keep your allegiance towards yourself and keep your planet safe.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader
Comments: 16
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm so excited to finally be creating this story and sharing it with the public. I will be first to admit my Star Wars knowledge isn't the sharpest at the moment, but I hope to learn more as I watch more, but this is an invitation to (politely please!) correct me on anything if I get it a bit sidetracked! Thanks so much for taking a peek! :-)

Bright sunlight peeked through the small window of the logged cabin, curtains danced along with the wind as the sun speckled the girl lying in a small bed. You, at the ripe age of twenty-three, managed to open your eyes despite your mind's urge to slip into a few more minutes of sleep. You rose up from the covers, giving a good stretch and a yawn before standing up on the sanded wood floor to give yourself a few more good stretches. You wore a simple, yet short white gown. It was rare that your planet ever experienced a cold night, so short, thin clothing was a preference. You walked outside to where your clothes were now dried on the line, pulling them from the clips to take back inside and change.

You wore a simple ensemble, something that served to the humid climate of the planet. It was your favorite color, and actually sewn from the village tailor herself instead of one of her helpers. You strapped on a waist belt, on it was a holster big enough to fit your lightsaber.

You glanced over at the unique weapon that laid beside your pillow. You couldn't help but frown. 

On this planet, you don't come here. You end up here. It happens and it's almost without explanation, at that.

All you could remember was the beautiful woman swooping you into her arms like an angel, questioning your health. You were barely of age to remember anything. From then on, you lived with the woman and her husband. You referred to them as mother and father, but the people from the village referred to them as Jacquelin and Atticus. Jacquelin was a beautiful woman, deep chocolate skin and a voice as smooth as the flowing rivers in the valley. Atticus was a sturdy, but kind man. He had coily black hair, and his skin resembled that of the mountainsides. His hands were worn from battles. He was one of the few defenders that protected the sparsely scattered villages among the planet. 

You remembered that fateful day they left. "The galaxy is in danger." You could hear your mother say. Atticus entrusted you with his iconic saber. "You must protect the people. They need you more than ever." They took off on a long-abandoned TIE fighter, promising their swift return. It had been seven years since, and the villages lost hope. You were their new defender.

You took the saber in your hand, igniting it. It flaunted a bright, almost blinding white color. You examined the hilt, the black rings surrounding the top was your favorite part of the saber. You quickly turned it off, and the saber retreated back into the hilt. You placed it in its holster, heading out towards the 'main' village. If it could even be called that. There had been rumors of ships flying by in the night sky from the southside village when she traveled there days ago. You wanted to investigate more into the matter.

Soon the village came into view, children and elders wished you good morning. You were on the search for one woman in particular. The villages on the planet did not have leaders, they preferred to live harmoniously among themselves, but elders were highly respected and were the ones that gave the commands and advice when it was needed.

You finally approached the back of the village, a woman who looked like if she stood up she would turn to ash and bones right there sat in a rocking chair. She slowly rocked back and forth, wearing a deep red gown made of a comfortable material.

"My, my. If it isn't the great defender." The woman greeted, showing her few teeth. Her voice was like sandpaper swiping tree bark.

"Good morning to you too, Zelda." You replied with a smile.

"I believe I already know what you're here for, doll." She muttered, and you took a seat in the spare rocking chair beside Zelda.

"Yes, the southside is concerned. More and more people are witnessing ships fly over. I understand their worry." She began, having to pause and take a breath. "You've caught wind of the First Order, I'm sure." She muttered. "Our mountainsides carry many ores and other treasured material. Those greedy fools have probably found interest." She whispered.

You couldn't help but furrow your eyebrows. "Zelda, surely the First Order has more important business to attend to. I'm sure they're too consumed in things such as wiping out the Resistance and brainwashing their pretty little stormtroopers." You pointed out, but Zelda shook her head.

"Be cautious, darling. Be aware." Zelda urged, reaching a shaky hand over to you. She gently caressed your hair, smiling. "Always such a beauty." She complimented suddenly. "Your mother would be so proud of you. I think she's still out there, somewhere, finding the closest route of return."

You forced a smile. "Thank you." You whispered. 

"Go, you have enough to worry about. Get some food for your own home tonight. I know you've been meaning to pick herbs and fruits for a while now. The community is safe, just worried." She reassured you, patting your shoulder.

"Thank you, Zelda." You bid the old woman farewell, standing up from the rocking chair and heading down the small flight of steps. You walked out of the village after a minute of mingling with the children, trekking towards the river. That's where most fruit and herbs thrived. You would spend quite a while there, using a woven basket you had traded in the village for some materials.

-

It was late evening by the time you were done harvesting. You had collected a hearty amount of herbs and fruit. It was enough for a nice stew to settle down with for the night.

You passed by the village on your way home, staring at it with a small smile. There was little time to stand and smile, though. A striking pain suddenly flew through the back of your head, almost causing you to drop the basket to hold yourself. You couldn't help but whimper quietly, trying to move forward to get to your cabin. If you made it there you could tend to the headache. It was as if knives and needles were dully drilling into the back and sides of your brain consistently. Where had this come from?

You soon stumbled inside of the small hut, letting go of your basket onto the table as you seethed in pain, holding the back of your head for some kind of relief.

You waited, and waited, and waited. After two hours of tossing and turning on the bed, poor attempts to sleep, and rummaging for numbing herbs somewhere in your cabinet, the headache numbed. Maybe there was still time for dinner?

No. A loud boom and vibrations of the planet followed, making shivers shoot up your spine as your knees suddenly felt weak with anxiety and panic. Something big had arrived.

You took off, leaving the door wide open to your cabin, almost feeling like there was no time to close it as you had your lightsaber already ignited. The closer you got to the village, the clearer the screams could be heard. Fires were already breaking out among the homes, and fathers were racing their children to safety. Stormtroopers, red blasters darted through the night, and some innocent villagers fell to the dirt. Dead. It caused a rock to lodge in your throat big enough to choke on, seeing villagers you had just spoken to only hours ago laying lifeless in the dirt. 

You had no time to mourn, though, and immediately went to work. You sliced through stormtrooper after stormtrooper. Adrenaline was racing sporadically through your veins, why were they here? Zelda was right. The ships that were flying over the night sky must have been inspecting the terrain and villages themselves. Why here, though? Such a small planet, a planet with no Resistance or First Order values. There was no need to take over such a tiny planet, especially for something so simple as material and ores. They were here for another, more unknown reason.

"Stop! Stop attacking these people!" You screamed at a stormtrooper, but it was like talking to a brick wall. You had no choice but to stab through them as well. "Why are you here?! Where is your leader?" You tried to speak to another, a pleading tone crackling in your voice, but it was almost as if they were all silent droids in the night, killing with no words. Blood stained your attire, splattering onto you from the impalement of a trooper. They were set on command, and would not stop until the leader gave the word.

"Stop."

A powerful, booming voice rumbled through the air, and it was almost like clockwork. All of the troopers halted their crusade, and turned their attention to dark figure ahead.

There he stood. He wore a black trenchcoat-like robe, a belt wrapping around his waist. His mask gave you hideous flashbacks to the legends Zelda told the children of a Sith named Darth Vader. She dramatized the story usually, exclaiming how she came face to face with Vader himself and commenced in bloody saber duels with the galactic dictator. Of course, it was false, but this resembled a chilling parallel. The bottom of his boots were stained red, making your lip quiver in harsh realization it was infact your people's blood that licked at his heels and left tracks in the dirt. He walked with posture, almost like there was a ruler up his back, but with that posture came power and dominance. The energy that radiated off of him was sickening, and you could feel the fear and forced obedience radiating from the stormtroopers.

"You are the defender they cry for." His voice was manipulated, and almost sounded computed. His head turned down towards you, as you weren't but a few feet from him now.

You made a poor attempt to stand tall. "I am."

The hooded figure turned to look at all of the villagers, some quaking in small groups, others were poorly protected by the men of the village. They all watched in fear, as if the horrid climax of a play was taking place before their very eyes.

"What gives you the right to hold this title." It almost felt like a command to answer. He turned back to face you, fire mirrored in his visor from a burning home.

"That is none of your concern. What I would like to know is what gives you the right to torture these innocent people! If it is ore and material you want, then the mountainsides are to the west. The villages hold no threat to you. Leave them alone." You spat, furrowing your eyebrows. Deep down, you were quaking. You had never come face to face with something so hostile or dominant. You almost felt like you were being squeezed into a box by the man.

The figure stared down at you, as you could feel his eyes drilling holes all over your quivering figure. "Foolish girl, thinking I could care about the state of your village." He began. "The children, they will make a fine addition to my flee-NO." You interrupted in a much louder tone than you had intended, seeing a visible tense in some of the stormtroopers' demeanor. You bit your own lip, wanting to retract and run.

"You dare tell Kylo Ren, leader of the First Order no?" He questioned, stalking up to you. You were so small, he was so tall. He practically cast a shadow over you. He ignited his saber, a loud crackling noise interrupted what felt like the dead silence. The crossguards hissed in anticipation for fresh blood to feed the glowing red light of the saber.

Your own lightsaber trembled in your hand. You were only mediocre in your lightsaber techniques, there was never a need to become more experienced than what you already were. An invasion by The First Order was one of the very last of your worries.

Kylo Ren turned his attention towards the white saber. "A white saber, I see." He pointed out. "You haven't stabbed me yet. A wise decision on your part, _defender_."

You gulped, swallowing the jagged stone in your throat. You could feel every single vein in your body pumping blood. Were you to die right here? The village would watch their lone defender falling to the boots of the first order, knowing they would soon be next in line. They would know their children no more, snatched from them to turn into minions of the Order.

"Tell me about your saber, about your abilities. Where did you get this saber in the first place?" Kylo pelted you with questions, interrogations, dragging his hand up to your chin, forcing you to look at him fully. You could feel a tear slip down your cheek, cursing yourself for being weak against his hideous mass of dark energy that practically consumed the man. That is, if he even was a man.

Suddenly, an idea struck your mind as you both seemed to be waiting in silence for your response. It was more than risky, and could upset the Commander even more, but you had to respond with something. The fate of these people rested in your hands and your hands alone. 

"I will tell you what you would like to know if you spare these people. I will go with you willingly, even, if you leave the village alone completely." The stakes were high now.

A moment of silence floated around the air, but the tension was so thick it felt like hours. Kylo kept his stare on you, not waiving. It was as if he were searching for something. Soon, the silence was shattered.

"Bond her, and bring her to my fighter. I will be carrying her to the Finalizer." He stated to one of the nearby stormtroopers, you managed to quickly diminish your lightsaber, shoving it into your holster before the trooper grabbed at your arms. He pulled them back harshly into a metal restraint, following Kylo Ren to his fighter. You could feel some of the villagers mourning. Their defender's sacrifice for them. Who was to save them now in their time of need? You felt a pit hit the bottom of your stomach. You had inevitably let your father down.

Kylo entered the fighter along the ramp, and the stormtrooper stayed behind, but made sure you had followed Kylo suit up the ramp. Within minutes, the ramp closed behind you, and the beginning of this twisted deal began.


	2. Chapter Two

The trip from your planet to The Finalizer was almost silent. Kylo Ren would attempt to ask questions, but you would brush them off. "I will answer questions when we all arrive and I know the people are safe." It frustrated Kylo. He wanted answers _now._

The fighter landed, and Kylo turned to you. "Out." He commanded simply, and the ramp glided down to the floor. You gulped, swallowing your pride and standing up, walking down the ramp where two stormtroopers met with you. "We will escort you to the interrogation room." One of them stated, the two grabbing you by the arms. You felt your grace and energy slowly leave from you, and at that moment you realized you were now a prisoner of The First Order.

"I'm not a dog, I can walk myself." You muttered, frowning slightly. 

"Commander Kylo Ren wishes for us to guide you to ensure your full subjugation." The one to the right of you said, almost the same monotonic tone as the other one.

"Ridiculous." 

Soon a door slid open, the stormtroopers taking a turn to lead you to an interrogation chair. The door slid close behind the three of you, and it made you want to elbow them both and escape. You frowned, if you were to do that, it would put your people's safety at a lethal risk.

"Please stand up straight and lean back. It will be in your favor to comply." One of the stormtroopers advised. You had lost track of which one was which, not that it mattered anyway. You leaned back, fitting into the board where it sunk in. The stormtroopers began pulling and locking the restraints, assuring you were locked in tight.

"Our Commander will arrive shortly. We will be outside of this door, escaping would be ill-advised." He gave one final nod, and they both turned in sync, marching till they were outside of the door as it hissed closed, leaving you to your thoughts.

What did Kylo Ren planning on doing to you? Did he plan to kill you once he got answers? Brainwash you and make you join his cult of stormtroopers? There was no telling when or if, just to wait and find out. 

You tried to remember happy thoughts. You recalled being back home, young and rolling down the flowery hills of your planet as Jacqueline and Atticus shared a picnic together. Jaqueline would smile as she picked grass out of your hair. "My adventurous spirit. Your bravery will never fail you." She whispered. The thought managed to make you smile, but unfortunately, it was short-lived. Your eyes opened to the sound of the door gliding open once more, and there he was again in all of his oppressive glory. He marched in like he owned the place, which, he technically did.

After the door shut, Kylo turned to you. The mask blocked his emotion, making the wind catch in your throat to see the visor aimed in your direction. He could kill you here, right now if he wanted to, but he wasn't. You tried to hold 'eye' contact with him, but it almost seemed impossible.

He called your name, making your eyes widen slightly. "How-- How do you know my name?" You began, he only addressed you as "Defender" back on your planet.

"Your people told me, as I requested it." He stated, beginning to approach closer to you. You could already feel sweat beginning to gather around your forehead. You proved no match to his intimidating guise and posture he shrouded around himself. "Tell me, what caused you to be called to protect your people at such a young age?" He asked first, standing in front of your interrogation chair. Even with the robotic tone, there was a sense of curiosity that shown through.

"I would wish to not answer anything until you take that mask off." You began, taking a shaky breath. "It makes me.. Uncomfortable." You muttered.

"Answer my question." He demanded, leaning slightly over you to get closer. "I would hate to have to inform your people that there has been a change of pla- My father." You answered him hurriedly, tensing up at the very thought of more blood being spilled on your account.

You sighed. "My father and my mother left to help the galaxy when I was a teenager." You explained. "My father was the former defender, but he left his saber to me when they departed from the planet." You stared up at him. He was silent, as always. It almost infuriated you. "You know maybe if you took that mask off I would be a lot more open and comfortable knowing I'm not talking to a monster or machine." You tutted, becoming a little more confident in yourself.

Silence once again lingered in the air, and again, you and the commander connected eyes.

He reached up, unlatching the many straps and locks to take off the mask. It hissed as it left his face, and you prepared yourself to be met with something hideous.

You were surprised to see tuffs of thick, black hair be unveiled, and an actual human man behind the monstrous mask. You furrowed your brows, inspecting him from where he stood. His brown eyes reminded you of embers from a fire on a cold night, and waves made their way in an ocean of black hair on his head. He had a Roman nose, and full pink lips that stayed in a strictly straight line to give off an air of intimidation. 

"Does my appearance stun you?" He questioned, pulling you from your inner thoughts. You blinked, turning your focus back to him. "No, it doesn't."

"Liar." He interjected, starring blast beams through your skull. "You haven't blinked since I revealed myself to you." He whispered.

A pink tint dusted your cheeks, and you finally looked away. "I believe I'm here to answer your interrogations, not be humiliated and embarrassed." You muttered.

Kylo Ren let out a sigh, almost as if he was disappointed that you reminded him of the real reason you were here. 

"Do your people worship you? Do they plead for your aid when needed?" He suddenly asked, and you felt like you were to gag at the thought.

"No. We are all harmonious. We have no leaders, we have no dictators. Our closest thing to any of it would be our elders." You explained. "We are all sentient beings, making us all equal." You added on. It was your turn to drill holes into Kylo's skull with your gaze. 

"Foolish girl." He was now leaning over you, the two of you locked into a staring competition. "If you are capable of power, you seize it. You grow that power, even if it means it is at the expense of others. They will learn too, that submission is what is needed to restore the peace in this galaxy."

Your look soured. You couldn't believe the words he spoke. "Power is not important to me. The harmony and health of my people are." You argued. "Someone smashed your fragile masculinity long ago, didn't they? Are you trying to piece all of the shattered pieces back together? You may try, but that scar won't go away until you acknowledge your faults. **You** are the foolish one, Kylo Ren." You were about to continue into your rant, but that same seething pain that pierced your head just hours ago returned. You whined quietly, forced to look away from the commander.

"Are you willing to lecture me now on my fragility?" Your name slid off of his lips like liquid velvet, barely audible. 

"So it's you who's causing this headache!" You exclaimed between gritted teeth, but Kylo only showed a hint of a smirk.

"Your mind is filled with many thoughts. So much pain, fear, and anger." He packed every word like a grab to the throat, breaking away at each and every layer you spent your life building up. You felt violated, though he hadn't even laid a hand on you. "The dark side swirls within you, and it digs into your thoughts every single night." He repeated your name once more for effectivity, almost making you shrink back. "I want to know more. I want to know exactly what you think about. You guise yourself as a caring person, but you know your power. You know how easy it would be to rule over all of the villages on your planet. It suffocates you. That power can be your's, why are you pushing it away?" His voice was lowered to a whisper now, almost mimicking itself as an echo in the back of your head. A demon looming over your shoulder.

"Is it because of your mother, girl? Your father, perhaps?" Kylo began to circle around you, making you twitch slightly in your restraints.

"Stop." You said, your voice weaker and more cracked than you had intended. 

"You're still counting the days. That flame inside of you that you feel. It's the anxiety of the thought of them never returning, or importantly, the anger of them leaving you in the dirt."

"I said **stop**." Tears began to well in your eyes, threatening to spill out and reveal your weakness to your enemy.

"Cry." He whispered your name. "Reveal to me how this really makes you feel. Reveal your anger. I want to see the surge of anger building within you so fast it begins to flow out of every single pore." 

You cursed yourself for almost reaching your breaking point. "Leave me alone, Kylo Ren. You have your answers. That's enough." You seethed at the pain still spearing the back of your head. You looked down, noticing his hand open. It was almost as if he was twisting something back and forth. You began to realize. He had been using the force on you the whole time! He was manipulating your train of thought, delving through your deepest memories and feelings while he distracted you with his words.

" **QUIT USING THE FORCE ON ME**." Your voice suddenly bellowed from the very core of your lungs, causing even the commander himself to lean back to standing straight.

A smirk pulled on his lips, making you want to crawl out of the restraints and immediately wrap your hands around his windpipe. "That is a start." He simply stated. "I am surprised to see that you are at least half observant of your surroundings." He added on, as if you were suppose to take it as a compliment and smile after he just broke you down to bare skin and bones.

He picked back up his helmet he had set on the floor. "We will continue this progress later on. I have more important business to return to. As of now, you are a prisoner to The First Order. We will provide you with living quarters that will have guards on post at all times. Escaping will be- ill-advised. I know." You cut into his statement that was similar to the stormtrooper's from earlier. 

"Control your mouth, girl. Interrupting me is a mistake you do would not want to experience the consequences of." He stated, putting back on his mask as it snapped and locked into place. "A pair of guards will now take you to your cell. I plan to meet with you again soon to discuss our previous matters. Next time, I suggest you be more willing. It will make this situation easier for you ten times over." He whispered your name, the sound crackling within the vocoder. "Submit to me, and you will be revealed the holy feeling of true power." 

With that, he turned on his heels and began to walk out of the door that was now sliding open for two stormtroopers to walk in.

"We'll see, Kylo Ren. We will see."


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You continue to try and find your way out of the Finalizer without the eyes of Kylo Ren managing to catch you in the act, but it's proved to be better said than done. You manage to sneak away from your quarters one night, leaving you to wander the Finalizer by yourself.

The next few days dragged along slower than slugs, as the main events were usually your two meals a day and look at whatever starship would pass by the huge Star Destroyer. Kylo never came to revisit you, although, sometimes you swore you could hear him just outside of the door. You had opened the door a few times to request water or paper and a pen from one of the stormtroopers that stood guard outside of your quarters, but they rarely ever let you go with them to retrieve it. The few times that they have, they basically kept the blaster pressed to your back the entire time. It gave you an idea of what the Finalizer looked like, though, and you even passed by the ship exporting area. You swore you caught sight of escape pods, and an idea began to form in your mind. 

You now laid on the bed, unaware of what time it was. There wasn't a clock, so you mainly focused your perception of time around what you guessed was a morning announcement from Hux that echoed from outside throughout the halls. You stared over at the monochrome wall. As if to taunt you, Kylo had your lightsaber placed in a clear box to be displayed on the West wall. "Little prick." You muttered. You had tried to punch through the glass-like material multiple times, but only ended up with bruised knuckles and growing frustration.

It was what you had concluded your fifth night on the ship, and you were starting to feel the cabin fever finally set in. You wished so dearly to be back home again. You wished to be with your people once more. You called back to Zelda sitting in her rocking chair when she was young. She would give that toothy grin, speaking in a chirpy voice despite her age. "We will always have each other. No matter what."

 _We always have each other._ It echoed in the back of your mind, making you let out a sigh.

You finally brought yourself to stand up from your bed, walking over towards the door. It simply opened by motion sensors, and for once, you weren't met with two stormtroopers looking behind them with their blasters pointed. You raised an eyebrow. This was new.

You took a few steps outside of your quarters, looking up and down the hall. Nothing. 

You couldn't help but get an adrenaline rush, feeling yourself take more steps out into the corridor. You practically matched with the walls. After your first night in your quarters, a stormtrooper had provided you with a black long sleeve and fitted sweatpants in place of your actual clothes. Everything about The First Order was so bland. 

You were about to make it to the door that you remembered where all of the ships exported in and out, but more importantly, where the escapes pods were.

You jumped out the sound of something rolling, approaching closer. Before you could move, a BB9 rolled from one of the side hallways into view. You froze, hoping it wouldn't detect you, but you were wrong. The BB9 began it's chorus of beeps and boops, causing you bust ass towards one of the escape pods.

You practically tumbled down the stairs, beginning to hear alarms sound. There was no one in the exporting area, meaning it was probably extremely late. You looked around to catch the thought of what you were actually doing, but it was too late. You heard boots beginning to stomp down the stairs and the flow of a cape. You panicked, seeing the damned commander make a rushed descent down the stairs. 

You zoomed towards one of the escape pods, but Kylo sent another striking wave of pain over the crown of your head. If you hadn't caught control of yourself, you would've screamed in agony. You still stumbled towards one of the pods, knowing if you could get inside and close the door there would be nothing Kylo could do but sit and watch you leave.

You managed to get inside, but a choking weight had suddenly wrapped around your neck. You began to gasp for air, crawling towards the cockpit of the pod. You hammered onto the close door button, but Kylo was already in front of the pod, hand open and arm outstretched. The door was struggling to close as Kylo used the force to keep it open.

You had a flashback to years ago. You and Atticus, standing out in the fields of your planet. He had sat up a rock formation. It was small, but that was the entire point.

He called your name so softly, so comfortingly. "Use your mind. Focus all of your energy on the rock. Picture yourself picking up the rock deep within the core of your thoughts. Concentrate. Manifest it, and it will become true." He would tell you, and you would make your poor attempt. You would only move the rock a few inches a piece every time, but he always swore you got farther and farther every day.

 _"Manifest it, and it will become true."_ You whispered, suddenly extended your hand towards the door. It was hard to concentrate when a man tenfold more trained in the force than you had his invisible hands death gripped around your neck. Still, you concentrated to the best of your ability, and to your surprise, after a couple of minutes the door began to slowly edge towards the closing latch. 

"Let go." He spat your name like venom, and his tone alone distracted you. The door now flung open, and the grip on your neck suddenly disappeared. He climbed inside of the pod, disregarding your struggle to regain your air while he slung you over his shoulder. You felt the need to cry and scream all at the same time. Surely he would kill you now, or even go back on his deal and travel back to your planet, forcing you to view the cold murder of your people. He didn't say a word, making your regret even more agonizing.

It took no time with his long strides to carry you back to your quarters and throw you down on the bed with a loud thud. You could feel your heart trying to pry its way out of your chest. The fiery commander looked down at you, deep brown eyes ignited into something.. different. You could only look him dead in the eye for so long, his chest rising up and down rapidly from the force battle. 

"Pull a move like that again and I will not hesitate to feed you to the space trash." His rigid voice cut at you like knives, making you tremble below him.

"Have I made myself clear." It was almost in a whisper. You didn't want to answer, tears beginning to slip from your eyes.

" _Answer me_." His words felt deafening, almost causing you to jump.

"Yes--Yes you have made yourself clear." You stammered to get the words out in between tears and voice cracks.

Footsteps emerged to the two of you, causing Kylo to snap his head to the side. It was two stormtroopers.

"I want the IDs of whoever was supposed to be in charge tonight. That is an order." He demanded, taking one last glance at you before storming out through the door. Just as angry as when he entered.

You were left alone once more. You felt as if you were going insane. Your sides hurt from restraining your shaking, and your head still spun from when Kylo had used the force on you. You let the tears fall freely. Homesickness was finally beginning to settle within you and cling to your heart. You would do anything to sit beside Zelda in her rocking chair one more time or crack silly jokes with the children of the village. Why out of all planets? You still didn't understand.

You decided to accept defeat, crawling under your covers to settle down for the night. You sniffled and sighed, resting your head on the single pillow while staring up at the glossy ceiling above you.

How were you to survive like this?

You didn't feel like crying anymore, so you tried to take your mind from the topic, turning on your side. You gave one last sniffle, closing your eyes.

Tomorrow is a new day.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are woken up the next morning, lightsaber hilt in front of your face. "I want you to prove yourself."

You woke up the next morning quite late, as Hux was finishing his morning announcement of the day. You turned over to catch glimpse of your precious lightsaber, but yelped at the sight you were met with instead.

Right in front of you stood Kylo Ren, holding the hilt of your lightsaber in front of your face. "Prove yourself." Was all he said. You looked at him with your eyes practically bulging out of their sockets, still getting over the jumpscare you just experienced. He gestured slightly towards the hilt when you didn't answer. "Come on, do you want to exit this cell for once or not?" 

You blinked a few times to calm down, blushing slightly. "Well-- Well I would've already gotten up if I uh-" You continued to stutter and hesitate, seeing a flicker of frustration in his eyes. "...I need my pants." You finally said in a whisper. 

Kylo quirked an eyebrow, then looked to the side of him down at the floor. There your pants rested in a wrinkled pool by the bed.

He looked down at you once more, his expression was still stone cold. "You should learn some manners of being a guest." He muttered, dropping the lightsaber in your lap. "I will be outside of the door, I expect you out within ten minutes."

With that, he made his exit, the door shutting behind him as you got up and grabbed your pants from the floor, sliding them on hurriedly. "YoU ShOuLd LeArN SoMe ManNeRs Of BeiNg A GUeSt." You mocked him quietly, walking over towards the mirror and sink that was just outside of a small door that lead to the toilet and standing shower.

You picked up the flimsy comb The First Order had _ever so graciously_ blessed you with, raking it through your hair to the best of your ability to at least look halfway decent. You didn't exactly care about your appearance as a prisoner to Kylo Ren, but to the rest of The First Order? Maybe it was best to try and put on a small proper look. Maybe they would cut your jail time if they saw you weren't a complete animal.

You soon walked through the door to the outside hallway with lightsaber in hand, Kylo waiting just outside. "Follow me. I would advise you to not try anything sneaky. You will not succeed." He looked back at me one more time, then snapped his helmet on. You guessed not a lot of people had the 'privilege' to see the commander's actual face, just the mask. That stupid mask. 

He began taking long strides down the corridor, making it a struggle to keep up with him. Not to mention you had to keep an eye on his cape at all times as to not trip or get tangled.

He took a sharp turn to a room, the door gliding open for him. It was empty besides a few tables set up with different objects such as rocks or glass. It was your turn to quirk an eyebrow as Kylo came to the center of the room. He snapped back off his mask, whipping around to face you.

"Ignite it." He commanded, turning to you who wasn't far behind. You stopped in your tracks, looking down at the lightsaber in your hand. You steadied it with both hands, then igniting as it shot up in a blinding white. "Good." He muttered, igniting his own cross bladed saber. You took a step back, eyes widened. "Wait-- What are we doing?" You asked, scared he was going to make you fight him.

Kylo pointed to a dummy that was placed on the other side of the room, opposite of the tables. "Show me how you would attack it.

You still looked at him like he had spoken completely foreign. Hell, you only knew how to swing this thing, not strategically attack something with it.

"Don't test my patience, girl." He pulled you from your thoughts, and you began to slowly emerge to the dummy. How were you to try and pull this off cool _without_ taking your own head off? You felt small and pathetic. What is he going to think when he sees you can only swing it around and chop things open? Your biggest fear was he would take the lightsaber from you completely, the only thing you had left in memory of your makeshift family.

You were finally face to face with the dummy, taking in a deep breath before letting your instincts take over. You began to slash at the dummy, creating an 'X' around his chest before decapitating him. You finally exhaled, looking over at Kylo for approval. He simply stood there, stone-faced as usual. "You prove to not be graceful in your tactics. I'm surprised you even hurt anyone in the first place." He spoke up, walking towards you.

You grimaced, a sour look spreading over your features. "Well, Kylo Ren, I'll have you know our planet was never attacked until you came along. There was no need to sharpen my skills." You countered, crossing your arms as the lightsaber disappeared back into the hilt.

"But now here you are. Imprisoned by The First Order because you failed to do so." He came back on your defense, making you shrink. He was already a skyscraper compared to you, so it wasn't hard for him to make you feel a twig.

He turned to one of the tables, point to the small pane of glass at the middle table. "Shatter it."

You frowned. "I don't know how to use the for- Yes you do." He dismissed your argument, staring you up and down. "I sense it. You have been trained before."

"I was only trained for so long. I barely remember how to even concentrate the force let alone use it to shatter things." You continued to argue, frowning at the fact that you now portrayed yourself as weak to Kylo.

"Then I will teach you." He offered, catching you off guard. "You'll what?-" You couldn't even begin to imagine training with the Commander of The First Order. 

He was inches away from you now, and you hadn't even realized he was so close. He let your name roll off his tongue and fall from his lips. "Pledge your allegiance to the dark side." He whispered. "You will become more powerful than you could ever imagine. Anything and anyone would bow to your will. You would be able to effectively protect your people." He tried to persuade you, causing you to take a step back in order to clear your head. 

"I--I can't." You tried to argue. "I am the protector of all people. Not just one side." You added. "My people see me as a fair person and I intend to stay that way." 

Kylo frowned, furrowing his eyebrows. "The light in you will get you killed." He scowled, gripping his lightsaber. "You _will_ bow to the dark side. You will be set free of anxiety and pain. You will be able to feed off of your anger instead of letting it feed off of you. You will see in time."

"We'll see." You whispered, now in a staring competition yet again with the commander.

"I will still train you. I will show you what power feels like." This time he did not offer it, instead, he simply confirmed it. You didn't have a choice now.

Coming face to face with Kylo Ren made something stir inside of you. The fact that he consumed you when he stood near you in all of his darkened glory, or maybe the seething tension that overboiled out of him whenever he approached you. It was as if he was restraining. What could Kylo Ren possibly have to restrain? Killing you, probably. Nevertheless, you felt your own type of restraint inside of you. You didn't exactly know what kind of restraint, but it riled you up inside. It caused your insides to burn with.. _hunger_.

You steadied yourself, staring back up at Kylo Ren.

"You may try, but you won't succeed." You whispered.

For the first time, you saw Kylo Ren smirk, making your heart drop to your stomach.

"We'll see."


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the continuing of your training with Kylo Ren, he continues to bring up the offer. You continue to reject his offer, but he continues to find.. different.. ways to persuade you.

Every other morning now, Kylo came and woke you up from your sleep. You would train for hours on end, and every single day you felt yourself slowly but surely becoming stronger with the force and with your lightsaber tactics. Every day, Kylo also tried to hook you into the dark side, and every day, you declined.

This morning Kylo had greeted you once more by waking you up with your lightsaber in your face. He still didn't trust you with your lightsaber being in your possession at all times, so at the end of the training, it went back into the same old glass box on your wall.

"Get up." He muttered, that same scowl plastered on his face per usual. You pulled yourself to sit up, rubbing your head with a yawn. "I will when you get out. It got hot last night." You muttered, both you and Kylo becoming used to occasional banter and taunting. He sighed through his nose as his eyes trailed to the floor, seeing your pants laying on the floor once more. 

"I see you still haven't learned any manners. We'll need to work on that soon as well." He grouched. You just smirked, taking the lightsaber from him before he walked out and towards the training room. He finally had enough faith in you that he allowed you to walk towards the training room on your own. A terrible mistake, really. 

Within minutes you were in the training room, lightsaber already lit with a tiny smile on your lips. You had to admit it was exciting to learn new abilities.

"Today we will focus on your force powers again. Your concentration and composture still lack." He pointed out.

You groaned, reluctantly turning off your saber. "I love lightsaber techniques though!" You argued, pouting slightly. "Why did you even give me my lightsaber if we're not even going to use it?" You sighed.

Kylo tightened his lips, biting his lip slightly. "You can keep it." 

You quirked an eyebrow. "Huh-?" You started to ask why, but he shushed you. "Don't push your limits."

You stayed silent, putting your lightsaber down onto the table. "Alright then... Let's get started." You shrugged.

Kylo motioned towards the other table beside you, the same glass pane resting on the table. "You're going to try and shatter this again." He instructed. 

You tensed, looking up at Kylo. "I don't think I can do that just yet, we've only practiced my force abilities a few times." You whispered, not exactly wanting to argue with him, but also not wanting to take on the challenge and "let him down" either. Not because you looked up to Kylo, but because it would be a bruise on your own reputation.

"Try it. You are stronger than you believe." He advised.

You walked towards the table, trying to steady yourself. You took in a deep breath and lifted your arm towards the table, opening your hand and trying to manifest in your mind the pane of glass cracking and shattering. It felt like things were becoming a lost cause after it seemed like minutes had passed. You finally let out an exasperated sigh, looking over at Kylo and expecting to see an angered expression on the Commander's face. You were instead met with a little chuckle from him, catching you completely off guard.

"Let me help you." He offered, walking over to you and suddenly taking ahold of your wrist. He raised it back up, aiming your open hand at the pane of glass. "Picture it in your mind. Concentrate on this task- nothing else." He whispered, his warm breath tickling the outer shell of your ear. Your shoulders involuntarily tensed, and Kylo seemed to take notice. "Am I making you uncomfortable?" He put an emphasis on your name, letting every syllable hit the back of your ear like waves. You bit your lip, shaking your head and trying to keep your eyes on the table ahead of you.

"Steady yourself. Your leg is shaking." He muttered, his hand grabbing your waist and holding you still. You almost jumped, as you hadn't had human on human contact in what felt like months.

You closed your eyes, trying to imagine the pane shattering in your mind. It was so hard, especially since Kylo practically had his hands all over you. You felt his whole torso pressed against your backside, and you began to lose your train of thought in the process. You got lost in the thought of Kylo's body. His murderous yet gentle hands, his booming but soft voice, his strong but comforting body. You bit your lip, more lewd thoughts beginning to leak into your mind. Why were you thinking like this? What was happening? There was no way you were thinking about the possibility of an attraction to The First Order Commander.

Kylo whispered your name. "What are you thinking about?" 

You gulped, immediately pushing all of those thoughts out of your head, heat immediately engulfing your cheeks. "The glass pane." You replied, but it came out as a croak.

"Lying to me again." He muttered, his breath traveling down your neck. "Do you think you can get away with lying to your Commander?" 

You held back a whimper, finally opening your eyes to try and gain your sense of reality. "For such a light-hearted person, you appear to be drawn to the darkest man in the galaxy." Kylo added on, and you couldn't help but shiver.

"Join me." He growled, his grip around your waist tightening. You felt yourself be pulled in closer to his chest, and your breath caught in your throat. "Kylo I-" You began, but you were silenced by the hand that was once guiding your arm now gracing against your neck. "You are so powerful, and yet here you are, holding back." He purred, tracing along your neck.

"You know you could've shattered that glass pane so long ago. You could've done it the moment you walked in. You keep pushing your power farther away the more it approaches you. I don't understand that, but I must admit, you entertain me." You felt his lips ghost over your neck, hundreds of alarms blaring in your mind to run away or push him off, but you just stood there. Your brain screamed at you to push him off, make a run for one of the escape pods and try and never come back. Your heart, on the other hand, whispered for you to lean into him, let him coax you into that abyss you've been crawling away from for so long, and finally deliver Kylo his wish. 

"You've always been such a heart listener, why not now?" He asked, his voice just above a whisper. "You could move up the ladder immediately in The First Order. I would pull some strings and you could be right up there with me. My right-hand man." You could hear a smirk tug on his lips even from behind you. Your head spun a million miles a minute, causing you to close your eyes once more to try and not just bend over and hurl up last night's dinner.

"I can't." You mumbled your poor attempt at rejection, trying to conjure the up the guilt you would feel if Zelda ever found out you had become one of the top Commanders of The First Order. If Jacqueline and Atticus returned and got word of you pledging yourself to the evil you swore to defeat. "I can't do it." 

Kylo sighed your name from his lips, letting it slip out so smoothly. "I don't understand you." He sighed, letting go of you all at once. You almost stumbled, and a small part of you missed the warmth he had enveloped around you.

You dared to turn around and face him, a tear slipping from your eye. "I don't understand you either." You whispered, tears continuing to threaten to spill all down your cheeks.

Kylo exhaled, looking down at you. He tried to keep a solid exterior, but you could see the spark of sympathy for you behind those ember eyes of his.

"I hope one day you will understand I only wish you help you eliminate the war inside of you." He uttered in a softer tone. Your demeanor softened itself, your shoulders drooping as you walked closer to Kylo. "I enjoy my war. I assure you." You forced a smile, wiping your lone tear off of your chin with your sleeve.

Kylo tightened his lips, turning away from you to stare at your lightsaber. "That will conclude today's lesson. I will tell the stormtroopers to prepare your lunch." With that, he walked over to your lightsaber and grabbed it. "You're not allowed to have this once nightshift troopers are in position. They will come in and put it in the box for you. I will authorize supervised solo training during the day for you." He explained, picking up his mask from one of the tables and securing it to his face. 

You took a small step back, furrowing your eyebrows. "Will--Will you not be teaching me anymore?" 

Kylo hesitated, but picked up the lightsaber and handed it to you. "I will continue to train you, but not as regularly as I have been. The Resistance is beginning to gain traction again. I can't allow that." 

You frowned, but didn't argue. It would be a lost cause to argue with Kylo on a topic such as The Resistance. "Okay." You whispered reluctantly, taking the lightsaber in your hand. It was the first time you hadn't picked an argument with him on a topic such as this.

"Don't act so heartbroken. You know you will enjoy having me off your back more." You guessed he was trying to get you to smile without making it too obvious, so you forced a grin. "Maybe you're right." You chuckled.

"Go, take a shower." He turned to walk towards the door, and stopped momentarily to make sure you were following him out. You stood only for a few more moments before going out the door yourself. "Y'know, maybe one day I'll get you to turn. I'll get you to become grey and we can finally come to terms with each other." You joked. He stared at you for a moment, like he was tempted to say something, but he just nodded. He turned and went the opposite way down the hall and took a sharp turn towards the right, disappearing. 

You heard an almost robotic voice call your name down the hallway, and whipped around to see one of the guards that usually guarded your door in the morning. "Your meal should be expected soon. I have been told to advise you freshen up now before it arrives."

It still took you a minute to process what he was saying, but you soon nodded and dragged yourself away from the training room and back towards your quarters. 

The trooper nodded to you, and you managed another smile before your door opened up and allowed you into the same old room. The bed set had been changed and made with a fresh pair of clothes laid out at the foot of the bed, and you couldn't help but wonder who did it. Was it one of the stormtroopers who did it? You would have to ask sooner or later. You picked up the pair of clothes and walked towards the smaller side room that was considered the 'bathroom', turning on the water as hot as you could before stepping in to let the warmth overflow you once more. You couldn't help but let the thought of Kylo in the training room creep into your mind. You couldn't deny you missed that warmth he gave you. Not only the warmth on the outside, but the warmth that grew somewhere deep inside of you whenever he was near. You couldn't exactly explain what you were feeling, but it was strong. It was something that consumed you and took ahold of you the moment you meet eyes with him.

You tried to shake the thought again, and continued to wash your body and wash your hair before stepping out of the shower, grabbing a towel to dry yourself off and walk out to your room. At the end of the bed sat your meal, but you caught sight of a note tucked under the plate. You took the note, unfolding it and reading.

_"We'll see."_

You stared at the note, but then immediately a smile spread across your face. You broke out into a giggle, setting the note neatly on your nightstand beside the lamp. The whole time you ate your meal you caught yourself glancing back at the note. You and Kylo officially had a gag running. A gag that you knew you would use far into the future.

We'll see.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You begin to become curious about the guard that always stand outside of your door, so you start to ask questions. However, someone finds your new bond with your guard a bit too close.

The following days felt lonely, as you had only seen Kylo once since his announcement that he would become more absent due to the momentum of the Resistance. You continued on with your solo training, but something still felt like it was missing. Maybe you missed Kylo's pleads and begs for you to join him. Maybe you would even dare to say you missed the attention, or even go farther to say you missed Kylo himself.

You woke up one morning extra late to the sound of one of the stormtrooper guards bringing in your lunch. You sat up, a yawn forcing it's way out of your mouth before you spoke up. "Thank you." 

The stormtrooper sat it down at the end of the bed and gave a short nod before turning to stand guard at his position once more. Kylo had finally bumped down your guard count to only one. A signal of trust.

You perked up. This was your chance to try and know more people!

"Uh--Uh Stormtrooper-- Guy!" You tried to get the words out, but it was hard when they didn't exactly have a name. He stopped and turned to you, blaster tightening in his grip.

You hesitated, looking for the right words to say without coming off as awkward or weird. "Do you mind if.. if you could stay for a while? You just guard my door almost every day, and it wouldn't hurt to get to know you." You gave a small smile. The stormtrooper's emotion was unreadable, seeing as he wore that clunky mask all the time. 

Your smile grew as you patted the edge of your bed, offering him to sit. There was another small moment of hesitation, but then the sound of clanky boots pierced the room once more as he slowly and almost cautiously sat at the side of the bed. You chuckled, picking up your fork and shoving a small piece of food into your mouth. "So, what's your name? Or number, I think you guys go by numbers." 

"AT-4430." He answered, his shoulders still tensed. You guessed he wasn't exactly accustomed to regular chit-chat.

"I'm guessing you already know my name." You joked, reaching out your hand for him to shake after you swallowed a piece of your food. He still paused for a second, but reached up and gave your hand a gentle shake.

"Do you want to take that helmet off? I know it's probably suffocating." You mumbled, taking another piece of food in. You glance up at him, and he looked like you just asked him to shoot you. A blush began to redden on your cheeks. "A-Am I not suppose to ask that?! I'm so sorry!"

The trooper said nothing, but grappled the bottom of his helmet and slowly lifted it up and away from his head. What was revealed was dirty blonde hair that fanned out along his face and framed his squared jawline. His green eyes almost looked lifeless and confused, making your heart sink a little. 

"I bet that feels better." You tried to break the tension hanging in the air, finishing your last piece of food. You set the plate over on your nightstand, grabbing the marker you had requested the draw with yesterday. It was easily erasable, as you had been doodling all over the white part of the walls with it. 

"Do you remember where you came from?" You asked, wanting to get to know this AT guy better. He seemed almost like he was scared to speak much less have a normal conversation. Was The First Order really treating their troopers this badly? 

"I don't. We are told it is not important to us anymore once we enter into the program." He explained, rubbing the bicep of his armor. You frowned, feeling waves of sympathy wash over you for the poor boy. "Do you even remember your actual name?"

"We are told that isn't important anymore either. We are instructed to value our service to The First Order to the highest degree." He glanced away from you, and you had to restrain yourself from letting the urge take over and give him the biggest hug he would ever receive.

You opened the marker, an idea beginning to stir. "C'mere." You muttered, gently taking his arm. You began to scribble, and he immediately jerked away. "What are you doing?" He immediately became defensive. You drooped your shoulders, holding up the marker. "It's dry-erase! I promise!" You gave another cheeky smile. AT gave you a side-eye, but didn't question you any more. You took that as your move, holding up his arm once more and beginning to doodle.

You first drew a little flower, and then a few hearts and smiley faces around the words "You Matter!". You wanted him to know he wasn't just an expendable stormtrooper to you. You wanted him to realize he was somebody. He was more than just a server to The Order.

You continued all down his arm with doodles of flowers, smiles, hearts, animal faces, and even a little doodle of the stormtrooper helmet. You saw a smile curve onto his lips when you were done. He had been watching the whole time. "Do you like them?" You asked excitingly, letting go of his arm. He turned his arm in front of him, and finally gave in and smiled completely. "I do."

You giggled, closing the marker with an ear to ear smile. You missed making people laugh and smile so much. It was one of your favorite things to do. "I'm glad!"

Your conversation was disturbed by the door gliding open abruptly, obviously done by the force. Your eyes widened in fear and panic, immediately shoving AT his helmet into his arms, but it was already too late. Kylo had swooped in and was marching up to the poor defenseless boy and took him by the neck. "I thought I had made my instructions clear to not converse with the prisoner." His vocoder did not hide his venomous tone, and you shivered in response. You could only watch in fear, scared you would be next if you spoke in AT's defense.

AT twitched his legs slightly, struggling to get a breath of air. Kylo's eyes trailed down to his right arm that was covered in the doodle you had just made, and even with the mask, you could envision his scowl. "You are also expected to keep your armor spotless, AT-4430." He added, seeing Kylo's grip noticeably tighten around his neck. Kylo was going to kill him right in front of you if you didn't do something. 

"K-Kylo stop." You sputtered, barely above a whisper. His neck snapped towards you, and he held AT out in front of you as if he were a doll. "He has disobeyed my direct orders, and he will be punished as such." Kylo said it as if it were simple to kill a man in cold blood, but to him, it probably was.

"Please Kylo, if you're going to take your anger out on someone take it out on me. _I_ am the prisoner here." You needed to somehow convince Kylo to let go of the poor boy, seeing AT begin to squint his eyes and grit his teeth from the pain. "Please." You whispered, staring up at Kylo.

There was a deathly silence that lingered in the air, only broken by the small twitch of AT's legs from being dangled by his neck. 

_Thud._

AT was dropped to the floor, and immediately began a series of coughs and gags from being choked for so long. You let out an audible sigh of relief and closed your eyes to contain your tears. If Kylo had killed him right in front of you like that, you would have killed yourself soon after.

"You have been blessed by fate that our prisoner is present. You would not have been so lucky if she were not." Kylo's clenched his fist, gaze not moving from the trooper. "I expect your armor to be cleaned as soon as you exit this room. I will alert Phasma of your incompetence." He added, then pointed towards the door. AT stumbled as he grappled to simply stand, taking his helmet that fell onto the floor and shakily snapped it back into the rest of his armor. Your eyes glazed over with tears, feeling regret grow within you. Why couldn't you have just let him do his job and leave him alone?

Once AT was gone Kylo unlatched his own mask, letting it fall to the floor before positioning himself over you on the bed. His finger now pointed at you, and you jumped in response. His eyes burned with anger, and you swore they had turned red. "I don't want to catch you conversating with another stormtrooper in this facility. Do you understand me?" He hissed out in a whispered. You clenched your jaw, nodding silently.

"I want a vocal answer."

"It won't-- It won't happen again." You muttered, voice shaky from the fear that racked inside of you. This was your first time seeing Kylo Ren's infamous 'tantrums'. Little did you know this was only a small taste of the full-fledged saber attacks and bellowing roars. 

Kylo stared at you, his silence deafening. He finally let out a sigh, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "I don't want you to be deceived." He whispered, searching your face for some sort of comfort or attention. "I don't want you to be.. taken advantage of." He added quietly. "They would do anything in their power to steer me away from you. To play tricks on your mind and convince you I am the monster. I'm not. I wish for nothing but to help you realize your true potential!"

Your lip trembled slightly, and you couldn't contain yourself any longer. You let out a curdled sob, pushing Kylo off of you. You went to turn over on your bed, putting your hands near the nape of your neck. You just wish this would all end. You wished you could return home to your planet and show everyone that you were safe. You wished to see Jacqueline and Atticus again to show them how far you had come. You closed your eyes tight, hanging on desperately to each memory and wish that flooded over you. You gasped for air through the tears. Kylo had stripped you down to your very core yet again. 

You felt a hand gently touch your arm, and you flinched at the feeling. Your name ever so gently caressed the air by his lips.

"Get away.. Please." You choked out in a whisper. "I wish to be alone."

His hand slowly left you. You heard him pick up his thrown helmet from the floor. There was a solid minute of nothingness, then the sound of a door opening and closing. Kylo Ren had finally left you alone in your own shambles as he had time and time again.

You turned over on your back to stare up at the ceiling, tears pooling and drying under your chin. You let out a choppy breath, a small whimper following in its wake. What had you done to deserve this? You mentally slapped yourself for thinking such a thing. _You_ had brought this onto yourself. For the health and safety of your people.

You just didn't know how much longer you could take it.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You've had enough. It's about time you do something. Hell, it might just work.

Two days later and you felt like you hadn't even moved from your bed. You simply stared at the wall when you were awake, and fell into a dark abyss when asleep. There were no dreams, no nightmares. There was nothing. You've begun to believe you liked it that way.

AT came by every morning and evening to deliver lunch and dinner. The first time he had come to deliver lunch you had slightly raised your head up in surprise.

"AT?" You whispered softly. You were met with silence and a blank stare from the soldier.

"On with your business." It was AT's voice. What had Kylo done to him? Did he actually alert Phasma of his misdoings? It made your blood boil at the very thought of Kylo punishing the only person onboard you had attempted to become acquainted with. AT had done nothing wrong. If anything, it was your own fault for initiating conversation.

The third day you finally decided to think. Every morning AT had unlocked your lightsaber box for you, but you hadn't even felt like getting up, much less training. You were allowed to do solo training. You were allowed to go on your _own._ Frankly, you didn't give a damn if Kylo caught you this time. You simply wanted to be anywhere but here.

You stood up from your indented spot on the black mattress, almost limping over to the box. You took out your lightsaber with a sigh of relief unintentionally flowing from you. It was nice to hold it in your hands again.

You walked over towards the door, finally regaining feeling in your legs when the door opened. You turned to AT, giving a pained smile. "I'm going to go train." You whispered, wishing you could tell him goodbye before you did such a feat, but if you did, you risked the possibility of getting caught.

AT just nodded, and you began to take your steps towards the training room. It was down the hall, turn right, and then the second door on the left. The exporting area was down the hall, turn right, and the first door on the left. You could do it, you just had to be careful. You had no idea how many stormtroopers or members of The First Order would be in the exporting docks, but you just had to hope it was minimal. 

You took your right turn, and suddenly you were met with two stormtroopers.

"Prisoner, where are you headed to?"

You gulped, feelings your insides freeze. "On my way to the training room. Commander Ren gave me solo access to the room due to his new frequent absences." You explained. You thanked The Maker for not stuttering.

There was a moment of hesitance that lingered between the three of you, but finally one of the stormtroopers nodded. "Be on your way then." With that, they turned the corner and were gone from sight. You sighed in relief, now taking your turn into the exporting area. There was a trio of lone stormtroopers loading up a carrier, but that seemed to be everyone in the area. You quietly made your way down the stairs, as the troopers were busying themselves with doing all necessary checks and locks.

You had made your way down to the floor when you practically jumped out of your skin from the voice. "Get her!"

You cursed under your breath, now sprinting for one of the escape pods. You lunged yourself inside of one, scrambling to hit the close button before one tried to make its way in. You crawled into the pilot seat, slamming on the close button. This time you had successfully managed to get it to close all the way. You smiled in triumph. Now you just had to get this thing to go.

There were so many buttons, levers, control panels. You felt your palms go clammy as you began swinging levers and pressing buttons.

" **Open the door.** " Your name boomed from outside, and you knew who was there. You whimpered out of panic and fear, beginning to frantically press even more buttons. 

You heard his lightsaber ignite, and in one last frantic move of hope you pulled down the lever beside your seat. With that, you shot off into space. You screamed in response, not use to the floaty feeling of piloting anything.

You took ahold of the wheel-like object in front of you, getting the hang of controlling the pod.

You spotted a planet not so far off, and it almost looked a lot like home. You took a dragged out turn and sped up slightly. You wanted to get there as fast as possible in order to get away from Kylo Ren for as long as you could manage.

Now there was just one more problem you faced.

Landing.

Minutes passed by and you soon entered the planet's atmosphere. By now you had recognized the planet as Endor. You had learned about it from the lessons Atticus would teach you when he had free time. The Ewoks lived here! You remembered thinking they looked so friendly when you were a young child, but you would need to stray as far away from civilization as possible. Les, you risk Kylo Ren wiping out their race.

You were approaching closer to the ground, and you made a poor attempt to slow down. "Alright, bumpy landing." You muttered. You pulled back on the wheel, and the pod made a skidded landing on its bottom. You came crashing to a halt when the side collided with one of the massive trees, causing your brain to rack in your head. You seethed in pain, but only maintained a couple of scuffs and bruises. This area would have to settle for now.

You hit the open for the pod and made your cautious exit. You took a look around, and noticed it was nighttime within the planet. You gave a short smile, and the fresh air hit your nose and reminded you of home. You began to make your trek north, hoping for a stream to follow. 

You finally stumbled upon a particular tree in your path. Up within the branches, you spotted a neat little hut. There was a rotting ladder that lead to the balcony of the hut, and you decided to take your risk. The hut was lone, so you expected it to be abandoned. You climbed carefully, making sure to concentrate most of your weight on your upper body so the branches wouldn't crumble beneath you.

After a few minutes of silent struggling, you had made it to the top of your new hut. You looked inside, spotting a bed and a bookshelf. You opened the wood door with a creak, darkness clouding your vision from the room.

You spotted a desk with a drawer, a torch sheathed by a holder above it. You ignited your lightsaber and gently held the beam up to the tinder of the torch, watching it ignite. You gave a smile, and hummed quietly while exploring more of the tiny cottage you had found. A wood stove rested in the corner, old wood still placed underneath the eyes. A rusty kettle sat on one of the eyes, and dried herbs still hung from hooks on the wall.

You turned your attention over towards the bed, and surprisingly, sleeping again didn't sound like a bad idea.

You made yourself comfortable on the linen. It wasn't near as pleasant as your bed on the Finalizer, but the feeling of freedom overpowered the discomfort. You heard the local fauna hum outside, and you felt at home once more. You turned off, covering yourself with the knitted cover.

How wonderful this new life would be.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this time, you'll succeed.

The next morning you woke up in what felt like a dream. Sunlight covered your skin for the first time in forever from the window of your newfound home. The fauna from outside still sang their song as you rose up from the silky sheets of your bed. Your bare feet hit the old wood floors of the hut, and it felt like home. You took another look around, this time in better lighting of the new shelter you would now live in for as long as you possibly could manage.

An old bookshelf was by the desk you had seen the night before, the few books that laid on the shelf had collected dust from the time they had sat there, cobwebs stretching out from the pages. An old pen sat on the side of the desk along with a stack of papers, certain words in a foreign language scratched out on the desk. 

"How odd." You whispered, but your thoughts were interrupted by a rumble from your stomach. You were getting pretty hungry.

You looked over at the woodstove and the array of dried herbs that were left behind by the past owner, inspecting each and every one. You recognized only a few from your teachings, but maybe a look around the forest floor and a creative mind would be able to tie together for a stewed lunch. You took a woven basket from under the small dining table, securing in on your hip. Inside of it, you spotted a small canteen that you could use to gather water. You would have to remember that.

You gave yourself a smile, taking your lightsaber hilt from your bedside and hopping out the door onto your balcony. The sun shown brightly through the thick canopy of foliage and greenery outreaching towards the heavens, and it felt like a little drop of paradise had settled on your skin.

The climb down from the hut was still a struggle, considering the frail structure of the aging ladder that lead down from your hut. You would have to invest in rebuilding it over time.

Your toes immediately sunk into the mossed floor, and it felt like your whole body was coming to life. The plants, the air, the sun. You had missed it all so dearly. Although this wasn't your home planet by any stretch of the imagination, it was the closest thing you could have.

After taking a short scavenge around the area without straying too far from the hut you had found a hearty supply of herbs and fruit you could identify effectively as edible. You kept thinking to yourself how exciting it would finally be to have an actual bowl of something filling besides the sorry excuse they called food that they fed you on The Finalizer. 

Climbing back up onto the balcony of your home you began the preparation of your tiny feast, lighting the wood in the woodstove with your lightsaber.

You placed a pot from the bottom of the shelf onto one of the two eyes, taking your canteen from the basket and emptying half of the water into the pot. It was time to make your broth.

You opted to use the rest of the water to make a pot of tea, checking the kettle to make sure it was clean. Thankfully, it was. It had surprisingly been kept nice on the inside and away from dust. You sat the kettle down on the stove, waiting for it to boil along with your pot of water. You dropped a few of the dried herbs into the pot, deciding to make a broth instead of using plain water.

Minutes passed as you continuously added plants and herbs to the stew, humming quietly a tune you had remembered from long ago. The stew was almost ready and you had managed to dig out a bowl from the messy cupboard above the stove, setting it down on the table in the middle of your home. You heard the kettle begin to whistle after a while, letting your eyes wander from the window as you lounged back in the dining chair. 

You had crafted a little satchel filled with flowers and herbs to steep in your cup you had also found, pouring the water up to the brim before setting the teabag in. You gave a small chuckle, dipping it in and out before letting it simmer. You walked over to your pot of stew, the fire now being nothing but embers as you scooped out a hearty bowl for you to enjoy. It had almost took the entire day, but you felt as if it was worth it. At least, it felt like it was worth it. You felt like you could finally be a normal girl again. If Kylo didn't come back for you, then maybe you could make friends with the Ewoks. You could become apart of their village and help them defend themselves. Perhaps they would allow you to be their very own defender.

You sat down for dinner, taking your satchel out of the cup and giving it a sip. You hummed in delight. The tea has just the right blend of sweet and rich intertwining to create a combination of what tasted almost like sunrises. You tried the soup next, hoping for the very best. It wasn't the greatest bowl you had ever had, but it was definitely homemade and had the taste of it too. That alone was enough to satisfy you.

You stared out the window at the setting sun, eating your bowl of stew absentmindedly the whole time as you thought about the many things swirling through your mind. Kylo Ren tried to crawl his way to the center of attention, but you made sure to push him far to the back. Kylo Ren and The First Order needed to be the last thing on your mind right now. The most important thing was here, the moment. Everything and every movement you made was a work of freedom and rebellion against Kylo Ren. It felt empowering. Just a day ago you were contemplating feelings for the pathetic excuse for a man, but that was no more. You were determined you were to be your own person. You were not owned by the likes of him, nor would you ever be.

Perhaps, you thought, you would run into Jacqueline and Atticus while you were here. Maybe they were still helping the galaxy. Perhaps they had joined the Resistance and you would reunite again and become Resistance fighters together. Maybe you would be the one holding the lightsaber to General Ren's throat displayed in front of the cheering crowds of stormtroopers, free of subjugation from The First Order. You could only dream, but there was inevitably still hope. Not until you were told to your face that they were dead.

You shivered at the very thought, catching yourself smiling. You had finished your soup somewhere in the midst of your daydreaming, and the sun had already completely set. The stars were now peaking through the window of your home. You sighed, going over to put your stove out for good, but in the process.. A blinding red light shown through the window. Your body immediately reacted, your eyes squinting as you attempted to make out what the light was all about.

It was too late to recognize the TIE fighter that was approaching through the trees at lightning speed, but it wasn't as if you had anywhere to dodge the massive bullet plunging straight for you. You gasped, reaching for cover before the deafening sound of the TIE fighter pierced your ears followed by a wave of dust.

Kylo Ren had just taken off the roof of your new home.

You could barely pull yourself together, having just enough reactive time to grab for your lightsaber and escape the rain of flying debris. Your legs shook with panic. Where were you to go?

You didn't have a clue, but you knew one thing that was for sure.

Haul ass, and get the hell away from Kylo Ren.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The worst way to deliver bad news.

Dust clouded your vision as you crawled towards the exit at the balcony, practically swimming in the debris. Of course, the ladder had been destroyed, so you were forced to jump.

The jump landed with a hard thud and a groan, causing you to immediately put a hand over your mouth. You swirled around, seeing the TIE fighter now landed and stationed to open. Your eyes widened in horror, and your feet began carrying you before your brain could even tell you to. Tears were already starting to blind your vision. You had just felt so happy, so at peace. You felt at home. That's all you ever wanted.

Your name echoed throughout the forest with the whooshing sound of the TIE fighting opening to reveal the infamous Commander. You didn't even bother to turn around. You just wanted to get away from him. You wanted to get back to the escape pod. Maybe you could start it again and get to another planet before he caught up with you!

Pain cracked over the crown of your head, and this time you freely screamed out in pain. You stumbled, but continued to run as fast as you possibly could. Footsteps thundered behind you, alerting you that he was now chasing after you. You finally were becoming exhausted, using this as your chance to catch him off guard. He viewed you as a coward anyways. You swiftly ignited your saber, doing a full circle to slash at the damned man behind you to get a lethal hit. 

What you were met with instead was his lightsaber against yours. You faltered, but quickly began to remember all of those pieces of training you had done with Kylo. They all flooded back to you, connecting each and every move you made on him. He clenched his jaw, and you knew he now cursed himself for teaching you. You began to wonder why he even bothered teaching you in the first place when he knew you would use it to rebel.

"Let go." His voice boomed in your face as you clashed once more.

"No." You tried to echo the same tone, but it was obvious Kylo's was deeper.

The brawl carried on, and you were actually beginning to gain the upper hand. You smiled in triumph, battering Kylo with hit after hit that he barely managed to block. You saw a look of frustration straining his features, cursing under his breath.

"How does it feel Kylo Ren? How does it feel to be bested by a woman from a worthless planet? From a planet nobody has even heard of? How does it feel? I want to know Kylo Ren!" You egged on, a sickening smile curving onto your lips.

You were getting carried away, and Kylo could tell. The fight was becoming so heated, sweat dribbled down your two foreheads. You were slowly picking away at Kylo's pride with each and every word you spoke. You were on a steep incline to winning, so finally, Kylo had to pull the plug.

" **Enough**."

Kylo had knocked you on your back, part of you hitting the mossy earth below. Kylo's breaths were ragged.

"They're **dead**."

The words cut you like razor blades. Immediately, you were struck down from your all-time high. The air seemed to leave your lungs all at once while you stared up at the man who had just broke that fateful new you never wanted to hear. 

He gulped in another bout of air. "You really want to know what happened? They were caught. Illegal trading and supplying of The Resistance. Punishable by death within First Order. They fell into our trap. It was _protocol_." He was practically hissing at you, veins protruding from his forehead in an effort to keep his anger restrained. "They had mentioned you. They tried to use you as an excuse to exempt their treason. Phasma was having none of it, rightfully so. _They_ are the reason you are in the situation you are in now. It's their fault."

"You have no home now. They're gone, somewhere in a shallow grave on Starkiller along with the millions of others who have been executed. They're worthless bones!" He screamed down at you now, but you simply laid in silence, taking in every word he said like bullets to the chest. The pain barely had time to even settle as more and more information spilled out of the rampaging monster in front of you. 

"I wanted to keep it from you. I wanted to train you and help you achieved the potential they were shackling you from! You could be so much more than a defender from a worthless planet!" He echoed your name, Kylo's tone almost becoming desperate. "You don't listen, you don't follow my rules, and most importantly you keep running away! I should've executed you long ago like Supreme Leader Snoke had advised me to. I was foolish not to." You thought his murderous words would never end, but he had finally paused. His breaths were still ragged and his eyes still aflame, but you could see he had finally found some self-control.

You finally took in a strangled breath yourself, and every single floodgate opened. You cried out, your sobs echoing throughout the forest. You lightsaber scorched the moss beside you where you had dropped it, and right at that moment, you considered taking your own life with it. All the childhood memories of Atticus and Jacqueline seemed to flash before your eyes as if you were holding your own funeral for your unbiological family out of pure memory. 

"Please kill me." You finally whimpered out, sobs interrupting every breath.

"Please kill me, Kylo Ren."

Kylo's demeanor suddenly shifted. He looked down at you with furrowed eyebrows. "What?" 

"Kill me." You repeated. "I don't-I don't want to be here anymore." 

Kylo now let out a repressed sigh, walking over towards you and scooping you into his arms, grabbing your lightsaber in the process. You didn't stop him. You didn't have the strength to.

"I don't-- I don't want to kill you." He muttered, yet refused to look down at you.

He turned around, silently walking you back to his TIE fighter. He didn't speak a word, yet you were still quietly sobbing as he let you rest in his lap while he powered on the ship. He lifted off, taking you back to The Finalizer. The whole flight you sat there and cried, but he still ignored you. It was as if you weren't even there to him. You didn't bother to talk, though, nor did you want to. He had murdered Atticus and Jacqueline in cold blood. He was a monster, but where were you to go? The TIE fighting only had one seat. Although you consider it might even be better to lay on the crowded floor than sit where you were sitting right now.

After minutes passed by you felt the ship come to a stop, and you looked up to see you were back in the exporting area of the huge flagship.

"Get up and get out." He mumbled, nudging you on while the sound of hissing came from the back of the fighter, signaling it was opening for you to go.

He latched on his helmet, right on your ankles the whole time you made your stumbly exit, tears still gathering at your chin. Two stormtroopers awaited you, and you couldn't help but wonder if one of them was AT.

"Escort her to one of the prisoner cells on the ship. I want her under surveillance at all times. If she tries to escape... Shoot her." His last command sat like a rock in your throat, and you looked back at him with fear stirring in your eyes.

The troopers took ahold of both of your arms, and you seethed in pain. You had a now purpled bruise from Kylo Ren throwing you to the ground, and the stormtrooper to the right of you grabbed onto it extremely harsh.

You turned your attention back to Kylo Ren, tears brimming your eyes once more.

"You'll be the death of me, Kylo Ren."


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Months of imprisonment can drive a girl insane.

You woke up the next morning on the cold surface of the cell bed, a single sheet covering your body, and no pillow for comfort. You shivered slightly, looking up at the blinding light that protruded from your cell.

Suddenly, that light was blocked out. Now you saw the outlining of Kylo Ren like the holy demon he was, watching you from the other side of the bars.

"What do you want?" You muttered, feeling your cheek. You felt the dried tears from last night still stained against your skin.

Kylo's lip tightened. "I wanted to see what you were doing. I don't want you trying anything sly anymore."

You scoffed. "Isn't that the guards' job?"

There was silence that lingered between the two of you, and finally, Kylo spoke up.

"Your pain is overwhelming you. It's engulfing and consuming your entire state of mind whole. I could not rest last night because the grief you had felt caused an unbalance in the air of the force in this ship." He explained.

You stared up at him, but then gave him a pitiful laugh. "What do you want me to do? Just stop being sad that I just found out my captor and mentor murdered the only people who I ever trusted? You really are an apathetic monster." Your voice cracked as the thought of your mother and father crept back into your mind. 

Kylo whispered your name, and you looked back up at him. He gestured for you to come closer.

You quirked a brow, rubbing the new tears away from your eyes. You shakily stood up, walking over to where you were face to face. The only thing blocking you now was the cell bars.

"What I'm trying to say is-" He started, but seem to falter as he tried to piece together the right words.

"Your pain. I don't like seeing it." He finally admitted. "I just.. I want to help you."

You sniffled, accidentally interrupting him. You cursed yourself mentally, and finally spoke. "Go on."

"Your pain could all be diminished if you just let me help you. I could guide you and continue to mentor you! If you joined the dark side, you could stay by my side and be one of the top Commanders of The First Order. You have so much potential power you have yet to unleash. You have only had a simple taste from our training because you keep holding back and I don't understand." He boomed your name, almost causing you to jump.

"Join me. Your home is no more. Atticus and Jacqueline are no more." He now whispered to you, almost like he was trying to lull you into his master plan.

"If you joined The First Order and the dark side you wouldn't be here, feeling this pain. You would be free of all pain and suffering because you would be transforming it all into power!"

You felt your blood spark with rage at the words Kylo was speaking, and you felt your brain go numb as the words fell from your mouth faster than you could process them.

"You dare tell me this!" You screamed out, gripping onto the bars. "You tell me this after you tell me about how you executed my mother and father and you have the nerve to try and coax me into the dark side? How **dare** you!" You felt your hands becoming red from how tightly you had your grip on the bars.

"You ruined my life. You ruined everything I ever had. I don't want to join your dark side Kylo Ren. I want to do anything but that. You took everything I ever had away from me. You've hurt me in ways I could never even imagine. You've violated me without laying a single hand on me. You've stripped me down to my very core and the worst part is is that you love it! You want to take advantage of me! You're vile. You're so very vile Kylo Ren!" You screamed, your arms stretching out to push him away, but before you realized it he was on the floor. You had somehow managed to use the force to knock Kylo Ren off of his feet. You felt your insides turn to stone at the very thought of the consequences you would face for pulling such a feat.

Kylo looked up at you, his very own look of surprise cast over him. 

"I-I'm sorr-No." He began, pushing himself back up before looking down at you once more.

"You just proved how immensely powerful you could be if you would just _let go_." He pointed out, and with a swish of his cape, he had left.

You looked down at your hands, shakingly and unnerved by the fact you had just used your powers for such violence. The First Order was slowly picking your morals apart piece by piece. You were a slow-burning monster of rage deep within, and they knew this. They planned to take advantage of it. 

Alas, you were more than determined to not let them get ahold of you. You had vowed you would die before picking a side.

This would be the first and last time Kylo Ren would catch you vulnerable. You swore it.

-

Days turned into weeks, and every day Kylo visited you in your cell. On the third week, he actually managed to whisper a gentle apology to you. It took you by surprise, but it was a welcomed surprise. You accepted it, but warned him he still walked on extremely thin ice in your book. There was no happiness in acting sour to the person who held you captive. You were still enraged about your family, but there was no point in endless fits of rage. It would only give The First Order what they wanted.

You heard your name being called from your sleep, blinking your eyes open to Kylo Ren once more. This was how you woke up every morning.

You sighed as you rubbed your eyes, sitting up reluctantly. Kylo, though, surprised you by telling you to stay where you were. He commanded for a guard to unlock the cell door, then entered with his cape flourishing behind. You furrowed your eyebrows, but he said nothing. Instead, he sat down at your bedside, looking over at you with the softest look you had ever seen him hold.

He called out your name, and it felt like you were being caressed by his words alone.

"I wish to be able to trust you." He whispered, frowning slightly. "I want you to still train. I would at least like to show you how much power you could actually hold. Maybe then you will see." He muttered. "But I cannot do that without your compliance to compromise." He added on.

You nodded slowly, giving a small sigh. "This cell _is_ getting a bit cramped." You muttered.

You saw a hint of a smile, but he continued on. "I'm willing to offer you the spare room inside of my quarters, but I cannot allow that if you don't agree to not escape."

You hesitated for a moment. In your eyes, that was a big commitment. All you wanted to do was to be home and away from this stupid ship. "Will I get actual food?" You tried to joke to distract yourself from the intruding thoughts.

Kylo sighed. "I will have a stormtrooper bring you quality food, yes." 

You couldn't help but give a smile. "Then it's a deal, Ren."

He bit his lip slightly. "You know if you try and escape, I will have no choice but to kill you this time." 

You faltered, looking up at him. You had gotten away with being harmed by Kylo so many times the words almost felt like a lie, but you nodded anyways. "I understand."

"I'll guide you to your new quarters then." With that, he stood up and began to make his way outside of the cell. 

"If you keep acting like a softy towards me I might just become more powerful than you, Ren." You cracked another joke, overjoyed to be stepping out of your suffocating cell.

Kylo turned to you, and for a moment you regretted what you said. What if you had offended him?

Instead a smile crept onto Kylo's lips, then those two teasing words.

"We'll see."


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was too close for comfort.

The next morning you had awoken to Kylo pointing the hilt of your lightsaber in your face once more, and a smile curved onto your lips at the familiar sight. "You want to start training already?" You teased, letting a yawn part out.

"You're already slacking on your abilities since my absence, so yes." He dropped the lightsaber, tired of holding it before he turned his back to you. "A clean pair of clothes is at the foot of your bed. I want you ready in twenty minutes. No less."

You scoffed. "Only twenty minutes?"

"You should be thankful. Stormtroopers only get ten." He retorted without turning to face you, the door opening for Kylo and closing behind him, leaving you by yourself once more.

Another yawn managed to escape as you swung your legs over the bed to let your feet hit the floor, walking over to your now full bathroom to get ready for the day. You did a quick change into your new pair of clothes, brushing out your hair and doing a quick brush of your teeth to tame your gunky morning breath. After examining a few of your cuts and bruises that were now simply a ghost of was once was there.

You walked out of the door with lightsaber in hand, seeing Kylo waiting by the exit of his own quarters. Your bedroom was actually within Kylo's, which you expected would make it pretty awkward having to walk through Kylo's room to get to your own.

Kylo looked up at you, now standing up straight. "Let's be on our way." He muttered, the doorway opening in front of him. His large footsteps were hard to follow along with per usual, but you were starting to manage to keep up.

Soon you both had arrived in the training room, and apart of you had the feeling you were within your makeshift home once more. The training room was the place you could unwind and release all of your building tension. A safe place, if you could even call it that. No place was safe within The First Order.

"Ready your saber. I've decided we'll start by sparing." Kylo turned to you, and your jaw almost dropped.

"Uh-well- We haven't exactly- ever- we haven't ever spared." You stammered, looking down at Kylo's saber wearingly.

"What do you mean? We had spared just a few weeks ago on Endor." He argued, and you took it as a snark.

"That was different. That was fighting for my life." You uttered, rubbing the back of your neck awkwardly.

"You wouldn't have had to fight if you just submitted to me. Instead, you ran. You chose to fight yourself." He countered, and you soon became frustrated.

"Let's just spar already." You snapped, igniting your saber while getting into sparring position.

"As I thought." He mumbled, igniting his own saber as the blade crackled and hissed. "Ready?"

You nodded, deciding to go for the first move. You swung at him, leading Kylo to retaliate with his own swing.

"When you swing, make sure to put your entire body into it. That way you are having the advantage of the momentum. Using your entire body will also make you a harder target." He explained as the two of you spared, swinging back and forth at each other, having a constant tussle of the upper hand.

The spar quickly became heated, the two of you moving all along the training room in twirls and sparks. You both rarely parted eye contact, creating an air of tension around the two of you.

Before you knew it, Kylo had gone for an under swipe, and in an attempt to block him your arm grazed gently across the blade of his saber. You yelped in pain, quickly backing away. Kylo's eyes widened slightly, and you held your arm as a poor attempt to ease the burning pain you felt.

Kylo quickly diminished his saber, rushing to your aid as he bent down beside you. "Where does it hurt?" He asked, and you show him the underside of your arm. There was a decently sized gash aligning part of your bottom bicep. Kylo let out a sigh of what almost sounded like exasperation. "I'll be back. Don't try anything sly." He directed, then quickly made for an exit.

You sat there on the training room floor, seething in pain as you felt blood drip onto your pants. "Shit." You cursed, knowing Kylo would likely be angered you had just ruined your fresh pair of clothes. You groaned to yourself in pain, another wave of burning cast against the gash.

Kylo soon returned, a pair of bandages and wipes in both of his hands. You quirked an eyebrow. _He_ was going to tend to your wound?

"Let me see the wound and sit still." He ordered, bending back down to you and outstretching his hand.

You let him grab ahold of your wrist, holding your arm to where he could see the gash as you whimpered in pain. "Don't cry." He whispered, and for the first time, he was gentle with you. He removed one of the wipes from the little bag, wiping around your gash to take care of the blood that had now been smeared all around it. You frowned slightly. "I got blood on my pants-" You started, frowning slightly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry." He mumbled, stretching a piece of bandage. "Tell me if it hurts."

With that, he gently began to wrap the bandage around your bicep, and you gently winced in pain. Kylo looked up at you, a spark of worry in his eyes. "Did that hurt?"

You shook your head. "I mean, yes, but of course it's going to hurt at least a little bit. I'm fine, though. I promise." You assured him.

He nodded, and continued his work until you were completely bandaged from the top of your gash to the bottom. You gave him a cheeky smile. "Look at you being all caring." You teased. "Someone has some human decency~"

Kylo rolled his eyes. "Don't disrespect me." A smile cracked onto his lips, opposing to his last words.

"Look at you, you're smiling." You chuckled, and for a moment Kylo looked up at you, and you were both smiling.

At that moment, the galaxy felt as if it had stopped to be an audience. The stars stopped to watch the two of you connect as a flame ignited within the force. Kylo looked at you, and you looked at Kylo.

He slightly leaned in, his tongue gliding across his lips. "I said." He whispered, leaning into where your lips were inches apart. "Don't disrespect me."

Millions of alarms blared within your head as you stared bug-eyed at the commander, shoulders tensed and breaths ragged.

"Make me." You finally whispered in return, closing your eyes. You felt your lips brush together, just about to connect-

_**"Commander Ren please report to the main control bridge. Commander Ren."** _

The two of you jumped back, eyes flashing open to see a just as flustered Kylo in front of you.

You had almost just kissed Kylo Ren.

The two of you stared in silence, both trying to recollect on what the hell just _almost_ happened.

Kylo was the first to speak up. "Lunch will be delivered to you today by a stormtrooper. I will go see what they need me for on the control bridge. See yourself to your quarters." He got up hastily, grabbing the bandages and wipes before making his quick exit. Was he blushing? Hell, you sure knew you were.

The entire walk to your quarters was just a replay of what has just happened. What could've happened, what should've happened.

Once the door to your quarters closed, you immediately ran over to the bed, flopping on it hopelessly. The thought played like a broken record and carried on as echoes in your mind.

You had almost just kissed Kylo Ren.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have a terrible habit of night terrors, but Kylo would like to fix that.

Darkness swirled around you, blanketing over you from head to toe. "Kylo?" You whispered quietly, your voice echoing off of the imperceivable walls of the void. You drooped your eyebrows, anxiety growing in your mind. You took a step forwards, and the sound of glass shattering shot through your ears. You seethed slightly, looking back on yourself. 

There, in the distance, stood Atticus. You gasped, immediately taking a step back. "Father-" You whimpered, feeling the glass floors crack beneath you. Regardless, you began to take more steps, speeding up after each step. "Father!" You yelled out, but Atticus never turned to you, yet you persisted. Every time you ran closer, he became farther. "Atticus please!" You called out.

Finally, he turned to you. He sighed out your name like a melody in the wind. "It's time to let me go, darling. Your fate awaits you." He breathed, a frown cast down his face. 

"Please!-" You were cut off by the sound of glass shattering beneath you, your stomach dropping as you plummeted deep into the abyss of darkness-

"NO-" You abruptly rose from your covers, legs flailing helplessly beneath the sheets. A cold sweat glazed over your body from the horrid nightmare. 

Tears fell down your cheeks, your body violently shook with panic while you brought your knees close to your chest. Your eyes darted around the room frantically, looking for anything to stabilize yourself. Soon, your eyes fell on the door. The door that lead into Kylo's quarters.

_"Maybe he's still awake?"_

You looked over at the clock, gulping. It was extremely late, but Kylo didn't seem like the kind to sleep.

Your toes hit the glossy floor, tiptoeing over towards the door. The door swung open, revealing Kylo's dimly lit room.

Inside, Kylo lounged on the far left side of the bed, reading a book by lamplight. He was shirtless. _He was shirtless._ He didn't bother to look up at you. Did he not know you were here?

"You had a nightmare." His voice spooked you out of your thoughts, causing you to hastily reply. "How would you know?" You asked, nonchalantly wiping the wet tears away that were rolling down your cheeks from when you awoke.

He finally looked up, closing his book and returning it to rest on his nightstand. "It woke me up too." 

You stared at him, confusing beginning to show. "It woke you up too?"

"Your dreams are quite-- loud." Like that was supposed to explain everything.

You sighed, accepting you weren't going to get a coherent sentence out of him. "Sorry if I woke you, I guess I'll let you get back to sleep-" You muttered, beginning to turn around and head back into your own bedroom, but it was like you were being stopped by a brick wall.

"Stay." His voice called from behind you, your breath catching in your throat. You slowly turned around, confusion growing. "What?"

"I want you to stay." He said, barely above a whisper. You bit your lip, hearing him speak so softly almost made your heart drop to your stomach. "You want me to stay?" You whispered, a smile growing. 

Kylo gave a nod, and you slowly began to make your way over to the side of the bed that wasn't occupied by Kylo. You felt so awkward. Kylo Ren's stare was swallowing you whole as his eyes followed your every movement.

"Your nightmare. It isn't real." He spoke up. You rubbed your arm awkwardly, propping yourself up against the headboard. 

"I know. It felt like it at first, though." You muttered, looking away out of embarrassment. You guess this meant Kylo could see your dreams.

"I know."

You turned to him, and he was still looking at you. "Is there a reason you want me here?" 

He paused, and for a moment you suspected he was hesitating. "I want you to trust me." He whispered.

You pulled at your lip slightly. "I'm sorry, Kylo, but- Endor still-- That still haunts me." You frowned, but it was the truth.

"I know." He replied. An invisible hand had you turn your face to look at him. He was using the force. "Take your time."

You both stared at each other, and for a moment, you smiled. "There you go, being a human being again."

"I thought I was an apathetic monster." He tutted quietly. Your eyes softened, a pang of guilt striking your heart.

"You felt like one. You wouldn't show me this side of you... You were cold towards me." You explained. "I don't feel so bad now."

Silence lingered once more, only broken by the sound of Kylo reaching over to grab his book once more. "Stay here for as long as you'd like. You can return to your bed whenever." 

You thought for a moment, but settled down more on your side of the mattress. You made sure you kept your distance from Kylo, weary of stepping over his boundaries. "I'll just lay here for a few more minutes, then I'll head back to my own bed."

He nodded, then opened his book where the page had been dog-eared, continuing to read.

You rested your head on the pillow, turning over to face Kylo again. He was too focused on his reading to notice, but apart of you knew he knew you were watching. 

Your thoughts began to become blurry, and before you knew it your eyes had begun to droop. Words inside of your head began to swirl together, and you knew by this time you were sleepy. You were dosing off in Kylo Ren's bed. You wondered if you should pull yourself awake and go back to your own bed, or if you should stay here and see what happens. 

" _Sleep_." A faded voice echoed in your head, causing you to squirm slightly. You weren't use to other peoples' consciousness inside of your own mind.

However, you took that as an invitation to freely close your eyes. You warned yourself to sleep lightly, though. Only the Maker knows what the remorseless Kylo Ren would do to a sleeping girl.

 _Don't think of him like that._ You mentally slapped yourself, but who could blame you? He had only captured you, took you away from your home planet, constantly tries to train you for the dark side, and admitted he was the one to oversee the killing of the only two people you called family. 

Your last thought before you drifted off into a resettled sleep would be Kylo Ren.

From the distance of your drifting mind, you swore you heard your name.

"Good night."


	13. Chapter Thirteen

A few mornings later you were surprised to find yourself waking yourself up. Usually, Kylo wakes you up to train on days such as these, but this time you woke up by yourself.

You rubbed your eyes, getting up and heading over to the mirror. "God." You muttered, looking yourself up and down. "I'm a mess."

You walked into the bathroom, deciding to take a quick shower to freshen yourself up. Maybe Kylo was still in his room and you could ask him what you could do today. Perhaps Kylo was giving you the day off. You had both drawn closer to each other with each passing day, but Kylo still inevitably closed himself off to you. He would only become soft at night, but you rarely visited him unless you were haunted by another night terror. That happened almost biweekly.

You stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in a fresh pair of clothes as you stretched your limbs out. You looked towards the door, yawning a bit. It wouldn't hurt to check it out.

The door opened, revealing Kylo's room to you. He stood over by his own door, catching you a bit off guard. "I would like to show you the main command bridge today." He offered, not bothering to look up at you per usual.

Another yawn escaped, but you tried to contain yourself. "For what?" You asked, walking over towards him.

"I want you to see what really happens behind the scenes. I don't think you fully realize how much power you could actually hold." He explained, his eyes staring beams into you. 

You rolled your eyes. "Showing me buttons and levels is going to do next to nothing in persuading me to become a commander of The First Order." You argued, crossing your arms.

"I'll show you. It's more than just buttons and levers." He still egged you on, and you gave in. Really, it was because you were tired of being cooped up in either your own room or the training room.

He gave a nod, and then the door to the hallways of the Finalizer opened. You stayed by Kylo's side the whole walk there. By now, you had become accustomed to taking long strides to keep up with the tree of a commander.

"Keep yourself composed. I want you standing straight." He muttered, making you scoff. "Like I would present myself so readily for you." You teased.

Kylo bit at his cheek, keeping in a snark before latching on his mask. You must have been getting close to the command bridge.

He took a turn, and suddenly you were presented with an entirely different room filled with different runners, commanders, generals, and technicians. You had to admit, you took a moment to marvel at the hectic chaos being processed into something so orderly. You noticed all of it was seeming to be supervised by a man with properly combed back ginger hair at the front of the bridge. He barked out orders left and right, and apart of you became intimidated by him. 

"The command bridge is where almost every order is carried out under the commander of one of our commanders or generals. Here would be where you would spend most of your time when you have the chance." Kylo's robotic voice echoed through your mind, but your thoughts still lingered. 

"I hope you're paying attention."

You finally came back to reality, giving him yet another eye-roll. "And I hope you know all you're doing is wasting your time." You retorted.

"You're childish."

"You're arrogant."

The man upfront seemed to take notice of your bickering, walking closer towards the two of you with a cheeky, not-so-genuine smile.

"Good day Commander Ren, I see you've decided to take our escapee out for a walk." He sneered, causing you to furrow your brows. 

"This 'escapee' could have you against the wall in a chokehold by lifting a finger, General Hux." Kylo retorted. You could feel his glare now, regardless of the mask.

Hux turned his attention to you, and gave you a shit-eating grin. "Then perhaps she could manage to be an even better Commander than you, Ren." He snickered, and you almost choked on your own spit from the comment. Did he dare disrespect Kylo in front of him like that?

Nevertheless, you returned the smirk after calming yourself. You now had a new tone of attitude towards this General. "He barely has the power to turn me to the dark side, General. Much less try to be a better Commander than me." You returned the snark, both of you now sharing a chuckle.

A spark suddenly shot within your diaphragm, causing you to jolt slightly. A sizzling feeling buzzed around your chest, growing hotter by the second. You gave a glance at Kylo. His hands were balled into a fist, twitching ever so slightly.

_He was jealous._

Your smirk continued to grow, and you clicked your tongue. "In fact, General Hux. Would you like to show me some of the main controls of the board?" You asked, carrying it as a nonchalant request.

"That won't be necessar- Oh nonsense, Commander. I can show her a few controls." Hux cut into Kylo's warning, causing you to chuckle. "Follow me." Hux gestured you forward. You turned to look at Kylo, sticking your tongue out at him before quickly following Hux to the front of the bridge.

You spent almost an hour talking to Hux, letting him explain certain controls and panel-boards to you while you both bantered back and forth about Kylo Ren. Occasionally, you would turn to glance at The Commander. You could feel his failing attempt to distract himself from the two of you, his envy raging inside of him.

"I believe that's all I am allowed to show you." Hux concluded, and you gave a cheeky smile. "I loved hearing about everything. Hearing it from you makes it sound _so_ much more interesting, General!" Of course, that was a lie, but you said it just loud enough to let Kylo hear.

"I believe our prisoner needs to return to her quarters today. I did not intend for her to roam for this long." Kylo suddenly spoke up. Without another word, he grabbed you by the wrist, essentially dragging you out of the command bridge. You could tell he was making a straight shot back to both of your quarters.

"Come on, Commander! I was doing what you wanted~" You joked, but Kylo was silent. Oh boy. You were really under the bus.

Kylo slung you into his quarters once the door had open, causing you to stumble inside and catch your balance against the bed.

"You never know when you quit, do you?" He threw his mask to the floor, marching over to come back to face with you. You shrunk back, envisioning the fiery blaze in Kylo's eyes.

"I was doing what you asked." You argued. 

"You were knowingly defying me." He countered, hands balling in and out of fists.

"I became friends with one of the Generals, so what?" You said, flailing your hands dramatically.

"That General is a sorry excuse of a man who taunts me constantly every grappling chance he gets to boost his tiny ego. He's worthless." Kylo insulted, biting his cheek once more.

"What do you want me to do about it?" You muttered as both of your faces became inches away again, parallel to the moment from the training room.

"I want you to stop teasing me." Kylo whispered, teeth gritting.

You smirked, taking your very own risky leap. "Make me."

That was all Kylo needed to wrap his hand around the nape of your neck, pulling you closer. Your lips collided, a clash of reds and blues bursting behind your closed eyes as you tasted the commander. You felt the fire from Kylo Ren spread over to you all at once, your own energy becoming a blitz of blazing desire for power. For each other. HIs lips were surprisingly soft, a harsh contrast to the rough lips you would catch yourself envisioning connecting with yours at odd hours of the night. You could feel that he had dreamed of this too, the force stirring the two of you together at this moment to feel as one. You felt what Kylo felt, Kylo felt what you felt. 

The kiss felt like it was parted as soon as it was connected, but you were both gasping for breath when you opened your eyes in a flash of the aftershock. 

You just kissed Kylo Ren.

Kylo Ren just kissed you.

You stood there, shell-shocked still by what had happened. Kylo seemed to be in the same position.

You finally gained some courage to speak, a grin from cheek to cheek.

"That's one way to do it."


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is it you see when you come near me?

"That's one way to do it."

Kylo stared down at you, still in his own world of thoughts and shock from the kiss. His eyes seemed to be searching your own for some kind of answer that you didn't have, nor did he.

Finally, Kylo blinked. He sucked in a breath, turning around to pick up his mask. "I have a meeting to attend to-" He hastily put on his mask, his cape flourishing behind him. You stood there, awkward as ever. What was he even talking about?

"Kylo, wha-?" You began to follow him, but he immediately stopped you. "Return to your quarters at once." He commanded, you could feel his intense stare even through the visor.

You felt your heart drop, picking at the hem of your shirt. "Okay-." You whispered, hesitantly turning around. You watched each foot go closer towards your room, feeling Kylo's eyes on you the entire time until the door closed behind you. What the hell was that all about?

You felt like crying, but you immediately stopped yourself from doing so. You refused to let Kylo play you that way.

You fell down onto the bed, turning over to stare at the wall. Maybe he was just flustered? What if that was his first kiss? He probably thought he did bad. You couldn't help but feel your heart swell at the very thought of Kylo's lips on yours. Something about the kiss felt-- Heavenly.

Memories of Endor reminded you of the seeping hatred you also felt for Kylo, but he _apologized._ Had the Commander ever apologized, well, ever? You highly doubted it, but you remembered your allegiance to being neutral regardless of feelings or not. You would die before you joined The First Order, right? Right?

You groaned out of frustration, running a tired hand through your hair. You should've never even tried to make Kylo jealous. Maybe you wouldn't be in this situation if you didn't. Though, you had to admit, talking to someone else besides just Kylo was fun and felt like a clear breath of fresh air. Even if that person was Hux.

Kylo always made you feel like you were somewhere safe. Well, when he wasn't threatening your life and beckoning you into the dark side. He made you feel... Special?

You shook your head, sighing aloud. "Stupid heart." You muttered, but you continued to think.

" _I really do have feelings for him. Should I confront him about it?_ " You thought, looking back at your door to Kylo's quarters.

" _No, that'd be stupid. He'd just push me away even more._ "

You frowned, continuing to stare at the door and contemplate.

" _I'll go into his room tonight, and then I'll let him speak first._ "

-

You kept turning and staring over at the clock, groaning and huffing every time only minutes had passed. Finally, it was late. Kylo usually returned to his quarters around this time. 

The minute you thought of it, you heard the muffled sound of Kylo's door opening and closing in the other room. You immediately felt your heart pick up speed and your anxiety skyrocketed. What if he wanted nothing to do with you anymore? Maybe you could fake a nightmare again. He was far away from you this time, so he wouldn't be able to detect your nightmare, right?

You sat up, still staring at the door. Millions of thoughts dizzied your head as you got up, walking towards your destination like you were on your way to the electric chair. You hated doing this, but you wanted to so bad. 

Before you could regret your actions the door swooshed open, revealing Kylo looking over documents at his desk. You began to pick at the end of your shirt, a habit you had when you got nervous. "Kylo?"

"I would expect you to be asleep by now." His voice shook a bit, revealing he was probably just as nervous as you were to face each other.

"I had a nightmare." You whispered, walking inside a bit more to where the door would close behind you.

"Liar." He immediately interjected, almost startling you. "I would've known."

You simply stared now, not knowing what exactly to say next. "I-- I'm sorry." You finally responded. Of course. An apology was your go-to response.

Kylo breathed out, looking up at you. You stood as stiff as a stormtrooper, still picking at the end of your sweater.

"My actions earlier were impulsive. I did it without thinking." He began to explain, making your stomach churn. Was he trying to say his feelings towards you weren't genuine? You couldn't help but frown, showing your true emotions. Kylo called your name, and you looked up at him. "Don't cry." He said it as if it were a command, beginning to walk over towards you. You sniffled, keeping your tears within your eyes, turning them glassy.

He cautiously reaching a hand up, softly caressing your cheek with his gloved hand. You stared up at him, another sniffle. So many emotions were overloading your mind. First, you hated Kylo, then you loved Kylo, then you hated Kylo again, now you felt like you loved him.. Again.

"So many emotions." He whispered, brushing a piece of hair out of your eyes. "You're letting them consume you again. It's agonizing to feel." 

You nodded, still picking at the hem of your shirt. Kylo leaned down and did the unthinkable. He pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead.

_Darkness developed your vision, causing you to panic. Waves and swirls of different shades of red crashed over you, leaving behind the staining color on your skin in its wake. What was happening? You felt a raging fire of anger and agony terrorizing your entire form. An urge for power felt like it was eating you whole, knawing at your insides consistently. You felt like you were drowning in a tidal wave of total black._

_Somewhere, in the distance, light. It started to become closer, then even more closer. Light began to pour inside every invisible nook and cranny. It felt like it burnt your skin, but in all of the best possible ways. You felt... Loved. The darkness clashed with the light, all swirling into one huge whirlpool, mercilessly enclosing around you-_

You blinked, back in front of Kylo with a short gasp of air. You quickly backed away, still panicked from the vision.

Kylo just stared at you, still as ever. "Now you know what it feels like whenever you're around. Whenever you're even near my presence." He said, hurt clearly glazed over in his eyes. What had he just done?

"How did you do that?" You asked, still clutching onto your chest, your heart practically beating out of your chest.

"The force. It connects us." He explained. He still put things so simply.

You brushed your shaky hand through your hair, staring at the floor, then back up at Kylo. You just began to understand. That light was _you_. 

"Kylo..." You walked back up towards him. You reached your hands up to cup his face, still glassy-eyed as ever. You brought him down, then delivered your own gentle kiss to Kylo's forehead. You didn't exactly know how it worked, but you began to envision to the best of your ability what Kylo made you feel in return.

You began to envision a peaceful forest, and representing Kylo as his own red and black orb. When you touched it, it shocked you. However, it was the most pleasant shock you had ever experienced. You envisioned the warmth Kylo gave you, and the stirring confusion inside of you every time he came near. A war commenced inside of you, and it was only when you were with him.

You parted from Kylo, watching him blinking in surprise before standing back up straight. "It seems we both have our own wars to settle."

You nodded, thinking for a minute. A smile spread on your lips. "I wouldn't mind trying to wage them with you."

For the first time in what felt like forever, you saw Kylo smile.

"We'll see."


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You think you understand now.

_Jerk, twist, Oh what the-_

You split your eyes open as the feeling of twitches and silenced sobs pierced the air. Your own heart was racing from waking so suddenly from your sleep.

"Kylo?"

Kylo paused, slowly turning to look up at you. You had sat up from the bed, looking down at him worried. You had come to join Kylo in bed after your own night terror. 

"Kylo, what's wrong?" You asked, gently pushing him on his back to fully face him.

"It's nothing. Nothing for you to concern yourself with." He whispered harshly, voice crackling from how dry the tears made his throat.

Your shoulders drooped, but you continued to persist on with your worries. "You had a nightmare, didn't you? Kylo, I come to you with my night terrors all the time. Why can't I help you with yours?" You asked, maybe this was finally your chance to see a raw side of Kylo.

He stayed silent, tears still trickling from his eyes, now down to his hairline as he laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling. He was motionless. All of his emotions radiating around him entangled with each other, suffocating Kylo. You could feel it.

"Do you want to talk about it at le- I don't want to be a monster." He suddenly whispered, catching you by surprise.

You were about to proceed with the conversation, but Kylo continued instead. "Everyone views me as some sort of heartless, cruel monster. I want them to view me that way." He explained, barely above a whisper. He turned his head to look up at you, a pleading look cast over him. "Why do I not feel that way around you?"

You were frozen in your own thoughts, you didn't know how to respond. "Kylo, what's bringing all of this up? What happened?"

Kylo thought again, the air uncomfortably thick from the silence. "My mother, my father. They were so cruel to me. They forced me to go down a path not made for me." He sniffled, having to pause. "To grow their own reputation. To further the bloodline-." He whispered, suddenly crying out your name ever so quietly. "I wanted to be a pilot." His voice was choked out by his own sob, covering his face with his hands.

To see such a cold man absolutely turn to threads right in front of you caused a spark to ignite in you. It was almost as if a certain instinct had finally struck. "I see." You whispered, cautiously reaching up and running a gentle hand through Kylo's raven hair. You didn't want to force him to dig further into his past. He would tell you in his own time.

"Kylo, you're not alone in this." You assured him, continuing to stroke his hair as you sat beside him. "Everyone somehow always ends up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes it can be life-changing. I mean-- fate, for whatever reason, dropped me on some random planet to be raised by a random man and woman. They left, well.. You know the rest." You tried to make a light-hearted joke, but he didn't seem to smile. 

"I want to be free of this pain." He whispered, still looking at you like you were the answer to all of his problems. "I want one person, just _one_ , to not view me so coldly. I want them to know- I want them to see the reason for the uprising of Kylo Ren. The downfall of me was my wretched parents. I'm a monster for a reason. I want to be free." He seethed in a breath, more tears peering from the corners of his eyes. "Do not speak so lowly of me-Please." 

You frowned, laying back down beside Kylo and, with a bit of struggle, pulling him into a hug. "You wish to be understood." You simplified his rant, holding him close. 

You finally understood. Kylo didn't want for you to submit to him, or join The First Order. Okay, maybe he did want you to join The First Order, but the reason behind it was to grow closer to him. To become his right-hand woman and be at his side at almost all times. You would know all of him. He wanted nothing more but for someone to understand.

You felt Kylo nod over your shoulder. "I wish to be understood." He confirmed, his arms suddenly returning the hug. He practically squeezed the fire out of you, but that didn't matter right now. All that mattered was that you helped Kylo feel better. "I wish to be understood by you." He added quietly.

"I think I will in time." You assured, reaching up and stroking the parts of Kylo's hair you could reach. "I think we will both learn and grow-- in time."

You felt Kylo nod again, and it felt almost as if you were comforting a little boy from his nightmare. You had never seen this side of Kylo before. You had only seen rare bits of the soft parts of Kylo, but he always repressed them shortly after to show the stone-cold facade he projected for the rest of the world to see.

The rest of the time was spent together in silence. Kylo had stopped crying, and you momentarily parted the hug to get up and get Kylo a glass of water from the bathroom. For the first time, Kylo had thanked you for something. You crawled back into bed after he was finished downing almost the entire glass in seconds, which admittedly made you worried if that was the first time he had drank actual water in who-knows-how-long.

You outstretched your arms once more in a gesture of care, managing to put on your kindest smile. After moments of hesitating, Kylo fell into the hug. 

You sat there for what felt like hours waiting for him to be fast asleep. Once he was, you gently kissed his forehead, sending him the warmest thoughts you could possibly conjure up in the dead of the night.

Kylo Ren had opened up to you. He had gone from being the merciless commander of The First Order to a scared little boy all in the span of a couple of hours. All of it had unraveled for the audience of one to witness. Now you were simply determined.

Kylo Ren would heal at the hands of you, and you alone.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's not so bad.

You were awoken by the sound of the Kylo's door to his quarters opening and closing, causing you to jerk awake at the spiking fear of someone catching the constantly escaping, somehow Kylo's favorite, stubborn prisoner laying asleep with the Commander himself. The funny thing was, though, is when you felt around Kylo was nowhere to be seen. Just you, alone, in Kylo's pitch black room. 

You felt around for a lamp, pressing the pad on the bottom of the base as the room lit up around you. You checked the time, it was quite late in the day on the starship, so Kylo was probably called to a meeting. You already missed feeling his arms around you, but at the same time, you were in shock at yourself that you even allowed yourself to sleep in the same bed as the Commander of The First Order. Oh who are you kidding, you didn't have to uphold him to be so high and mighty. He even said it himself, he just wanted you to view him as _human._

Thoughts reemerged into your mind from last night, how that so high and mighty man became tears and trembling all in one sitting. How he allowed a vulnerable side of himself to be flourished out right in front of you out of all people. Why you?

You shook your head, today wasn't the day for existential thinking, it was a day to get up and explore the ship. You doubted Kylo would _care_ , he trusted you now! Right?

You glanced back at the nightstand, noticing a note scribbled down on a piece of scratch paper. You drew closer to Kylo's side of the bed, stopping to take in the scent of his pillow. He smelt like.. Like leather and embers. He smelt like sweat on a cool summer night from running along forest creek beds. He oddly smelt like home.

You finally grasped the piece of paper, reading along the lines.

"I must go to a meeting. You're free to travel to the control bridge. DO NOT bring your lightsaber. Return before the evening troopers return to their quarters. I'm expecting you here before then." 

-Kylo Ren

The rush of heat to your cheeks wasn't foreign by now, Kylo constantly made you blush and inevitably feel giddy inside. You couldn't explain how, or why.

You hopped up from the sheets, rushing over to find a fresh pair of clothes for you before looking around for your shoes. That's when you stopped in your tracks, and Kylo's wardrobe came into your line of interest.

Your eyebrows quirked, smirking out of curiosity. You let your imagination roam at what all could possibly be inside. Maybe something completely unexpected? What if Kylo had all kinds of colorful clothes he just never wore?

Your fingers traced along the handles of the wardrobe, finally biting the bullet and swinging it open. Unsurprisingly, it was all black. Black turtlenecks, black pants, black armor, black gloves-

_Black cape?_

You felt a smile creep onto your lips, standing on your tiptoes to carefully pull the cape off of the hanger. It fell down into your hands, but even holding them high over your head still caused the cape to drag the tile floor. Maybe it was meant to drag?

You slid the front of it onto your shoulders, clipping it to your own black sweater. 

"Hehe, **I'm Kylo Ren**." You mocked, putting your hands on your hips. Should you go to the command bridge in such an article of clothing? Or would that reveal too much about how close you really are to Ren?" You contemplated, but the excited part of your mind powered over your logical side. You would look so badass, and maybe even intimidate some troopers. Do it.

You nodded to yourself, exiting Kylo quarters and out into the main hallway. You were on a mission now, a mission for Hux. Hux could give you answers to things about Ren that you always inquired about. Well, perhaps he could.

No-one stopped you on your way to the command bridge, even though fleets of troopers passed you by multiple times. You felt the dragging of the cape flow behind you, and for a moment, you felt like a dark bride. 

The doors to the command bridge hissed open, and admittedly, you looked around for Ren. You wanted to show him, but you didn't exactly know what reaction to expect from him. When you didn't spot Kylo anywhere, your focus turned to Hux. He was right where he was the first time you met, up at the top of the room.

He spotted you almost a little too quickly, marching over towards you excitedly, his strides in beat with the other runners passing you to and fro as he called your name. 

"It's wonderful to see you here again, I thought Kylo would never allow you to show face here again after your little taunt." He greeted with a snicker, hands cast behind his back.

"I thought the same, General." You replied, your very own smirk on your lips. "Though he seemed to permit me, and I wanted to learn more about the Commander himself. That is, if you are allowed." You added.

"Of course, follow me." He offered his arm for your own to slide into. You interlocked elbows, Hux guiding you to what you thought to be a conference room. When the doors swished open, you were surprisingly greeted with more of a cozy common room. You guessed it to be Hux's personal common room, seeing as the room fit his style well. He directed you to sit on one of the two loveseats, disappearing behind you. The loveseats were turned away from the door, and out towards the window that showcased the vast vacuum of space.

"Would you like some tea while we talk?" He asked, and you shook your head, finally looking behind you to see where Hux has wandered off to. "No thank you, I believe I can only stay for so long." You answered.

He nodded, walking back over towards the other loveseat, sitting with a teacup and saucer in both hands. "Now that we are situated, what is there you would like to know about the infamous commander?" He asked in a mockish tone, taking a sip from the teacup.

"Well-" You thought for a moment, you had to make these questions count. "How did Commander Ren end up here. What exactly did he do?" You asked. "Not to offend The Order, but I wondered if he was born into the dark side." 

Hux seemed to pause for a moment, then looked over at you. "You sure are sticking your nose in all of the wrong places." He whispered. "If this is an attempt to find out who Commander Ren really is, then you are at a lost cause." He muttered, his face turning sour. "He is hardly fit to be a Commander, and his attitude makes him even less tolerable. We can hardly get clear directions out of him, much less a backstory." 

You felt your heart drop to your stomach. You were just now rethinking, could you trust Hux with such questions? Was he going to go behind your back and tell on you to Ren? You guessed it was too late now, you wanted to press on.

"I can trust you, right General?" You glanced back up at the ginger-haired man, he didn't glance back. Instead, he continued to stare out the window.

"You can trust me more than anyone on this ship." He took another sip of tea. "Between you and me, I would much rather prefer you as our Commander than that rat bastard. You're level headed, you have patience. Ren does not." He sighed. "Ren has caused so much bloodshed, he ordered me to kill your parents. I've caught wind that you know now." He carried on, with every word you felt the air in your throat grew thicker. "Our Commander would rule so much more effectively if he would just shut up and _listen._ " 

You frowned slightly, about to speak once more, but a buzz echoed throughout the commons. That was the signal for troopers to rotate shifts. "I need to go." 

Hux nodded. "I would hope you have enough of a brain to not fall into the role of Kylo's pet." He sighed, standing up to guide you out of the room and into the command bridge once more. "It seems you've already taken nicely to his cape." He gestured, causing your cheeks to boil. "I guess I just wanted to look intimidating. It's not a romance thing by a long shot." _Liar._

Hux simply gave you a knowing smirk. "Be on your way, I would hate for both of us to become space trash because you missed Ren's curfew." He teased. Perhaps Hux wasn't so bad.

You gave one last nod, then began to head back to Ren's quarters. He would ask what you've done today, you can just say you learned more about the command bridge. You needed to specifically _not_ mention Hux, especially if you wanted to have more truth between the General. You had hardly learned anything about Kylo besides that Hux held a burning hatred for him.

You continued to walk, the door to Kylo's quarters slid open. Empty.

Now was your chance to do a bit more exploring.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's none of your business,  
> but all of you is my business.

Oh, this was going to be fun.

This was going to be dangerous.

You tiptoed on the cold, black tile, almost as if you were scared that if you walked too hard that Kylo would hear you. Chances are he would.

Your first thing to go for was his wardrobe once more, digging about and pulling out a kindly dusty mask. It was almost identical to his recent one. You slid it on your head, how the hell did he see out of this thing? It swallowed your entire head, causing it to miss your eyes by a few inches.

You pulled it back off, throwing it back into the dresser. Enough of that. You walked over to his desk, digging around in some of the drawers to find old knick-knacks from different planets. Even though you knew these were probably from planets Kylo's Order had wiped out, you couldn't help but view the small collection as cute. In another drawer was oddly spare lightsaber parts, they seemed to be from an old Jedi saber. You hadn't even seen a true Jedi in your life, and you doubt you ever will. In another drawer were old papers of plans to defeat certain planets and schedules of import and export routes. Boring.

Finally, you dug out an old, worn down journal. You couldn't help but at least open to page one, scanning along the words. You made yourself comfy on the floor, resting on your knees.

"Please do not read. This journal belongs to BEN."

Ben? Who was Ben? Was this one of his victims that he decided to be nosey with?

You couldn't help but turn to the next page, continuing to read. Even though the first page asked politely, you simply couldn't resist the urge that was tugging at you to read on.

_"I cannot believe what I have done. The Jedi Praxeum is engulfed in flames. My uncle just tried to kill me, and I have nowhere to go._

_Surely my mother and father do not want me after this. What if they had put my uncle up to this? What if-"_

Your name being boomed throughout the room caused you to practically scream out of sheer fright. Then again, you knew what you were doing was wrong. 

You were scared, no, you were **mortified** to turn around and face Kylo. 

You finally pivoted on your heels and stood, Kylo had already to his helmet off to stare you dead in the eyes. His jaw was already set airtight. Oh, he was mad.

"What do you think you're doing?!" He gripped tightly onto his helmet that was held in his right hand, lightsaber in the other. This was it. Out of all of your near-death moments with Kylo, this was where he killed you.

You could barely scrambled for words, your heartbeat escalated so fast it became hard for you to breathe. A sour taste settled in the back of your throat, causing you to feel sick to your stomach. Your eyes searched the room for answers or excuses, but there were none. You were just being outright nosey.

"Well-Well I had returned back t-to your quarters and-and I just saw the journal. I-I thought it was one of your victims so-so I thought I would just take a peek-" You decided to stop yourself from feeling even more embarrassment, clutching around at your sides. Your anxiety was through the roof, and your uncontrollable trembling didn't make it any better.

"Why were you looking in the **first place**?" Kylo hissed menacingly, throwing his helmet down to the floor and outstretching his hand. Your throat began to collapse in on itself. You immediately began to feel lightheaded, hands grasping for your throat in a pathetic attempt to get some air down. You wanted to fall down to your knees, but the force was holding you up.

In a panicked burst of stamina, your outstretched your own arms, attempting to throw Kylo back into the wall. He only stumbled, but it was enough to get him distracted. The pressure on your throat finally released, and you fell down to the floor. You were only allowed to be gasping, sputtering mess for a few seconds. Kylo was already above you, picking you up by the arms and slinging you onto the bed. "Why can't you just listen? What the hell is wrong with you?" He seethed, almost as if he were in pain. You had only seen this side of Kylo once, and you truly never wanted to see it again. 

You picked at your sleeve nervously, still processing his viper sharp words. "Kylo I-I just.. I wanted to know more-" You tried to explain. "I wanted to know more about _you._ I wanted to see all of you and-and my curiosity took over." Your words were barely audible, tears pouring down your cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I keep betraying your trust, it was foolish of me. Especially after you opened yourself up to me last night- that-that should've been enough for me."

Kylo only stared at you, looking you up and down. He took in a deep and sharp breath, exhaling slowly. His shoulders relaxed, and it was almost as if he realized who he was talking to. "Next time, I would rather you ask than rummage through my privacy." He retorted, but his demeanor and tone were softer. The flame that raged in his eyes had diminished to those amber embers you were all too familiar with.

You were silent, staring down at the floor, struggling to blink away tears. You didn't feel like replying. You really just wanted to go to sleep and pretend as if this didn't happen. Suddenly, you didn't want Kylo mad at you anymore. You didn't feel the need to cause Kylo any trouble or be a nuisance. You, for whatever reason in hell, wanted to _stay._

You heard your name ever so softly fall off of Kylo's lips, and suddenly you were being scooped into Kylo's arms by the thighs. You whimpered, holding onto Kylo's shoulders for balance. You wrapped your legs around Kylo's waist, resting your head on his shoulder. Even after the roughest of fights, Kylo's embrace never failed to make you feel like you were a certain kind of special. His outbursts were just another part of him that you knew needed to be healed from years of the dark side's torment.

"My name is Ben." He whispered, wrapping his arm around your back and sitting down where you once sat on the mattress. 

You raised your head up, confusion ridden. "Your real name isn't Kylo?" 

Kylo bit his cheek. "I wanted to destroy the person I was in the past, that included my name." He explained. "I am Ben Solo."

You wanted to ask more, receive more, know every little waking detail about everything Kylo is and use to be. "Ben." You whispered, carefully running a shaky hand through his wavy raven hair.

"You will still refer to me as Kylo Ren. Ben is dead." He whispered firmly, forcing you to look into his eyes by taking you by the chin. His gestures were much softer from earlier. 

You stared into those copper-colored eyes, absent-mindedly coursing your fingers through his curls. There was another moment of silence, just the two of you taking in the moment of the room and the closeness you two ever so rarely shared. Oh, how pleasant it felt to be Kylo Ren's 'pet', regardless of what Hux said.

Before you could speak again, Kylo's lips were on yours. It was different from last time. This time they were _hungry._ Hungry for something only you could provide. 

You closed your eyes, immediately becoming heated in the kiss. These feelings that were washing over you were so foreign, yet they felt _so_ good. You couldn't stop yourself, one of Kylo's hands pressed against the nape of your neck to deepen the kiss, the other wrapped firmly around your waist. You couldn't believe you were doing this with a person who had just basically proved he could kill you with a flick of the wrist.

"I hate hurting you." He parted the kiss, mumbling his words in between even more kisses. 

"I hate hurting you too." You whispered, returning back every single kiss. 

"You look-" Kylo interrupted himself with another kiss. "-extremely attractive in my cape." He admitted. 

You were seeing so many new and different sides of Kylo so fast. You had never felt this aura of Kylo. It was something entirely brand new. It was an unkempt hunger. A restrained hunger. A hunger for _you._

"I thought you might like it." You replied, forehead now pressed against Kylo's. "Seeing as you want me to be your right-hand man so terribly bad."

"Fuck it." Kylo cursed, standing up with you still in his lap. He threw you onto the front of the bed, your head hitting against the pillows.

"I don't want you to be my right-hand man." He muttered, hastily crawling ontop of you.

" _I want you to be my empress._ "


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I change my mind.

"I want you to be my empress."

Before you could respond, protest, or even agree, Kylo's lips were on yours. He enveloped your entire body with his, making it impossible for you to move. Now that you thought about it, you didn't even know if you really wanted to.

Kylo took his gloved hand into yours, intertwining it ever so carefully. He treated you as if you were glass in this very moment, the smooth of his leather glove running against the bareness of your palm with every tense and flex Kylo made. What was this feeling you were experiencing? It was so overwhelming. It felt like a tidal wave sloshing around in the pit of your stomach, your thighs becoming pins and needles with every jerk the two of your bodies produced against each other.

"I have to breathe." You gasped when you parted the kiss, staring up at Kylo. The fire from earlier was stirring deep in his eyes, like flaming lava right before an eruption. Was that a second heartbeat you were feeling?

"I want all of you." Kylo finally whispered in response, diving in between the crook of your neck without another word. Everything was happening so fast, and you were _loving every minute of it._

Kylo kissed up and down your neck, nipping and biting against goosefleshed skin that caused you to flinch in pleasured pain. What was he doing to you? You wanted so much more, more than you had ever wanted in your life. You wanted all of Kylo, and you wanted it now. Your entire body felt as if it were on fire, clawing at the sides of Kylo's back for grip against him.

You felt hands grip the hem of your shirt, drawing it upwards until it came right above your breasts. "Up." Kylo commanded, his voice dripping with lust. You immediately knew what he meant, sitting up and raising your arms to allow him to pull the shirt off of you. Thankfully, The First Order was still kind enough to give you some breast covering, regardless that you were their prisoner. Kylo frowned, frustrated because, well, he knew he didn't know how to take these blasted things off. Nevertheless, he tried. He unraveled his hand from yours, sliding off your straps. Now came the hard part. Kylo reached around you, struggling to unclasp the stupid clips on the bra. You couldn't help but laugh, pushing away his hands. 

"Let me help." You whispered, reaching around behind you and unclasping the bra without a problem. Kylo immediately went back to work. flinging the bra somewhere across the room and traveling his lips down to your collarbone. You squirmed slightly. You had never been exposed to such actions and honestly, it tickled. Kylo traced all along your collarbone and shoulders with kisses, you could tell he had been wanted to do this for a long time now. 

"Kylo-" You whispered, but he said nothing. Instead, he held both of your hands, pinning them down to the bed. He didn't bother to look up at you, he was more focused on just making you feel like you were on cloud nine. 

You jumped to feel something poke your thigh, glancing down slightly and seeing that Kylo was now really, _really_ excited for you. Your cheeks went up in flames, immediately becoming flustered. "Kylo, you-you seem really happy to see me." You stuttered quietly, you didn't really know how all this teasing and seducing things worked. Hey, you could try your best though, right?

You gently lifted the lower half of your body, grinding gently right on Kylo's erection. Kylo let out a groan through his line of kisses and nibbles, bucking down against you. Okay, now you knew what to do. Maybe you should just do what felt right. 

You continued to grind against Kylo, he huffed, finally meeting eyes with you. "If you keep doing that I might just lose what little control I have left." He growled, coming back up to enwrap you in another kiss.

"Kylo- I feel strange." You whispered after Kylo parted the kiss, staring up at him. "There's a heat boiling inside of me, one that feels like it's going to explode. Are you using the force on me?" 

Kylo looked at you for a few moments, almost like he was confused. Then, unexpectedly, he burst out in _laughter._ Something you had never seen Kylo do before. Did you say something wrong? Were you doing something wrong? He said your name, always better with words than you had ever been. "Is this your first time?"

You stopped and contemplated. You had rarely even known of the existence of what sex was, much less participate in it. "Well, yes.. Is it not yours?"

It was Kylo's turn to become flustered. "Yes-Uhm-... It is, but at least I know how to do it." He answered.

You felt the heat grow more, your brain starting to override itself. You sighed out. "Then teach me how." You breathed, bucking up against him, causing him to almost fall on top of you. 

"Alright, you asked for it."

Kylo let go of your hands, immediately swiping your pants with your underwear down to your ankles and off of your feet, sending them flying across the room to sit in the pile along with your shirt. You were now completely bare, vulnerable for Kylo's eyes to view. 

He started off with taking off the glove from his right hand, discarding it by dropping it off of the bedside before parting your legs with his knees. Your hands flew up above you by brute force, Kylo's other hand slightly outstretched to use the force on you.

"I want every single little part of you." He muttered, his finger dipping down to your folds. You felt electricity drive through you immediately, attempting to buck your hips up desperately at the overwhelming sensation, but Kylo held you firmly in place. You whimpered in response, shifting around hopelessly to gain some friction.

"All this time and you still don't know how to be patient." He hissed, slowly rubbing circles around your clit.

"Kylo please." You begged, not even exactly sure what you were begging for. You just knew you were begging for more.

"Say it again." He demanded, his voice as firm as the trees on Endor.

"Kylo, _please._ " You repeated, whining quietly at how still you were forced into being.

"That's my girl." He purred, his speed continuing to gather with every circle he made. Your noises were like a serenade to his ears, much better than anything Hux had ever played in his common room.

You felt the pressure in your abdomen increase in intensity, feeling almost as if you were about to fall apart at the hands of Kylo.

Oh, oh, _almost there-!_

Nothing.

"Kylo!" You moaned, your voice being unusually high pitched.

Your eyes widened at the sight in front of you. There it was, staring you dead in the eyes.

Kylo Ren's dick.

Kylo was staring you down once more, his knees completely pushing apart your legs. "Tell me you want it." He commanded, now using one hand to hold your hip.

"I want it." You let it flow without a second thought or hesitation. You knew what you wanted now.

"Damn right you do." He snarled teasingly, giving himself a terribly slow entrance to yourself. At first, you felt yourself stretch, groaning slighting in pain.

Kylo's eyes immediately turned from an animalistic-lust to worried, softened ones. "Did I hurt you?" 

You shook your head. "I think I just need to get used to it. Keep going." You assured him, grinding circles on Kylo to encourage him.

Kylo groaned, sheathing himself entirely in you. The pain had finally shown its true self as raw, unkempt pleasure. Kylo picked up his speed with every thrust, every buck he produced. You rocked back and forth with him as much as he would allow you, both of your voices echoing throughout the room.

You already could feel the pressure in your lower abdomen begin to knot up once more, beginning to tremble and shake under the speed and pleasure Kylo was feeding you so animalistically rough yet ever so gently all at the same time.

"Kylo, Kylo I think something is happening-" You started, but he cut you off. "You're gonna cum, and it's going to feel like the best thing you've ever done." He whispered, brushing back the black strands of hair that continuously fell in his face.

The pressure grew tighter, stronger, you doubted you could take this much longer-

and then it all unraveled.

Your whole body began to tremble and shake, your cunt clenching around Kylo's cock uncontrollably as you let your voice run free and dance all around Kylo's quarters, bouncing off black walls and cold floor tiles. He watched you as if you were the greatest show he had ever witness. It was as if he had seen The Maker himself. You were a masterpiece, a galactical masterpiece in Kylo Ren's eyes.

It was becoming so much for Kylo himself, soon coming undone only seconds after you. You felt Kylo fill you with all of him, digging your nails into his clothes shoulders. Oh how you wished he was just as bare as yourself.

Minutes passed by, and finally, you were both left to be breathless, shaking messes with each other. Kylo slowly pulled out of you, tucking himself back into his pants. He sat up from the bed, leaving you to finally rest your head on one of the pillows. You were absolutely exhausted.

You managed to find the strength to turn your head, watching Kylo remove his vest and his undershirt, shaking off his boots and combing his hands through his hair. God, he had never looked more mesmerizing. 

He had soon come to join you in bed, taking the opportunity to pull the covers over your bare body. Kylo's room was usually freezing, but during that experience, it felt like the two of you were laying on the rocking lands of Mustafar.

"Sleep." He ordered, going to wrap an arm around your waist and turn the lamp off, leaving the two of you in the silence and darkness. If this were to be how Kylo acted around you from now on, you truly don't know how long you could possibly keep your allegiance to neutrality. Oh god, how were you even to approach yourself with that topic? Your head was already spinning, there was no need in questioning yourself with such a dizzy brain.

Just this once, you had decided to follow Kylo's orders.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you think you're doing?

"I just don't think I want to go that far, Kylo. My allegiance is still to neutrality, participating in a First Order meeting just feels.. Wrong." 

Kylo sighed, staring down at your curled up figure. He was just starting to get ready for a morning meeting near the command bridge, and you had woken up just in time for him to invite you to join him. You stayed put, curled up under the loose black sheets that dangled lazily off the bedside. 

"I think you will finally realize just how much The First Order is meant for you." He countered, pulling on his infamous black long sleeve. His hair was still nappy, all unevenly curled with jutting strands of raven-colored hair. _How cute._

"How about I get ready with you while I think about it." You offered, sitting up from the mattress. Your thighs felt tensed, still sore from _last night._

Last night, that was something you now remembered. It all had felt like a fever dream, lost somewhere within the tangled, ever-battling thoughts on Kylo Ren. You grazed your fingertips over the crook of your neck, feeling the small indents of Kylo's teeth. How did he plan on getting you to cover that up?

Almost as if he had read your thoughts, you felt an article of clothing being thrown at you. "Here, you'll need it." 

You looked down, picking the piece up by the shoulders and holding it out in front of you. It was a black turtleneck, just a size smaller than you. 

"Kylo, I think this is gonna be a bit tigh-I know." He cut you off. You felt your cheeks redden, whipping your head around to stare, almost dumbfounded. His eyes held something sinister, something _knowing._

You were already shirtless, so the next thing you could do was stand up and fumble around to find your bra.

Your feet hit the cold floor, sending a shiver through your spine as you rushed over to your pile of discarded clothes finding your bra surprisingly easily. You turned around to slide it on, right as your head fit through the hole your met eyes with Kylo, noticing he had been staring at you the entire time. He stared at you like an animal stalking its' prey, waiting ever so patiently for it to submit to him. 

You tried to ignore him, immediately averting your eyes to the floor and fitting the black turtleneck onto your body. The bottom hem rested just above your belly button, fitting you tight in all the right places. Oh yeah, this was planned by Kylo, no doubt.

You grabbed your panties, feeling them hug around your ass. You bent down to pick up your pants, hearing a cough from the commander behind you. You couldn't help but smirk, standing back up straight and waltzing over towards your quarters. "I guess I'll go, just this once. I don't want to hear you begging me again." You finally answered his original question, not bothering to face him.

Kylo's lips tightened. "I could've commanded you to. I wonder if you would have obeyed as easily as last night." He retorted. You held in a gasp of shock, still refusing to look him in the eyes. Your shoulders tense, stepping closer towards your quarters until the doors opened and closed behind you, sighing in relief once you were alone. God, he knew how to push every single one of your buttons just right. 

You noticed something new on your bed, approaching closer to now see it was a new pair of black pants and boots. What the hell did Kylo think he was doing? You hadn't pledged your allegiance to him, why was he giving you all of this new stuff?

You pushed aside your questions, shrugging and throwing your old pants onto the bed. You grabbed the new pair of pants, sliding them on along with the new boots. They were heeled, and you didn't think you had ever worn heels, well, ever. Heels weren't exactly appropriate when it came to running on forest paths and hopping up hiking trails back home.

The doors to your quarters soon opened, and Kylo stool there in the doorway. "Come, we're already late." He commanded. 

You spun around, sighing and taking a few steps in the new shoes. "I thought you would know someone like me would never dare wear a pair of heels." You muttered, stumbling slightly. Kylo couldn't help but smirk, offering you his arm. 

"Then follow my lead."

-

The conference room was silent when the two of you entered, everyone in what you expected to be their assigned seats but the one at the very front of the room.

_So he was already expecting you to agree._

You gulped, scanning the table of lurking eyes. Finally, your view landed on Hux. His face was crinkled in disgust, staring you up and down. Oh, he could probably tell what had gone on. Either that or he was simply cringing at the very sight of you being near Kylo. 

You had already let go of Kylo's arm, seeing yourself to the only empty chair left. Kylo didn't say a word, his mask making it hard to tell what exactly he was thinking. He stepped towards the front of the table, taking a quick glance at all of his Generals and Advisors. "I would like a report on the progress on some of our exporting planets." He finally broke the icy silence in the room. That was your cue to zone out as one of the Generals piped up to carry on a ramble about how prices had went down, the progress of the planet's resources, and more. 

You were only pulled from your space of thought when You heard Hux butt in. "It seems you have been making your own progress, Commander Ren." He snarked, glaring at you, then back and Kylo. "You've dressed out prisoner worse than the Twi'lek girls in the cantinas." He added on, causing you to tense. Okay, that was a bit rude. 

You now worried for Hux's safety, but Kylo seemed to stay calm in his response. "I don't remember giving you permission to comment on our _guest's_ appearance, General Hux."

You now felt the tinder catch fire in Ren, simmering threateningly. Your furrowed your eyebrows, a pit in your stomach hardening. 

"And I don't remember Supreme Leader Snoke giving you permission to have a _pet._ " Hux shot back, eyes darting back to you. Hux's form was stiff, prickling with anger and frustration. "I don't know what he's told you, but surely no string of words in the entire galactical dictionary could ever convince a sane human being to fall victim to-" Hux's tangent was cut off by a strangled gag, the gingered man's hands immediately reaching toward's his throat.

"General Hux, I suggest you hold your tongue." Kylo's voice suffocated the roam in tension, his hand clawed ever so tightly. You could already see inside of Kylo's mind, knowing how greatly he wished he could snap Hux's neck without another thought. 

Ren finally released Hux, disregarding the coughing and sputtering from the Army General while he turned his head side to side along the two rows of people sitting at the conference table. "Any other remarks?" 

Silence. 

"Then we are done here."

The group immediately began exiting the room, one by one all rushing out in a single file line. Hux stayed, still struggling to regain his breath.

"Kylo, You didn't have to do that." You spoke up, deciding to defend Hux. It was the least you could do after Hux had treated you so kindly.

"Don't speak so highly of someone like _him._ If it were my decision, he simply would not be here." Kylo replied, marching towards the exit of the conference room. "Come, now."

You couldn't help but stare back at General Hux from across the table, the man now running a shaking hand through his combed-back hair. "He is poisoning you." He hissed, his eyes made of icy steel.

You frowned, feeling another chill creep across your shoulders. 

Your name echoed throughout the empty conference room, knowing well it was Kylo's now impatient voice through the vocoder. "I'm waiting."

You reluctantly stood, making your way towards Kylo. You couldn't believe how weak you had grown to his words. Before you realized it you had let your response run free and fly off your lips. Perhaps Hux was right.

"Yes, Commander."


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I can do this.

Birds chirping.

Wait a minute.

_Birds chirping?_

You immediately sat up, your eyes darting open in panic. There we no birds on The Finalizer.

You twisted and turned, beginning to panic. _This wasn't The Finalizer._

Surely Kylo had not abandoned you during the night, surely he cared about you more than to leave you for dead.

You finally managed to stand up, beginning to walk down the thinly carved forest path. Everything felt so faint, so far off. Where exactly were you going? You felt as if you weren't even in control of your own body.

You finally slowed down at a shockingly familiar sight. The old tangled tree in the woods.

This was your home planet.

You immediately took off down the nearest identifiable path, bare feet kicking up dirt and leaves along the way. You knew exactly where you were going. You knew exactly who you were looking for.

Your feet skidded to a stop at the entrance of the village. Everything was perfectly intact, no longer in flames and shambles from The First Order's siege on your planet. The only thing missing now was the people. There was not a single soul wandering the main street.

You explored down, finally taking a turn to reach the end of the village. There she sat, all neatly folded in her rocking chair. Her grey, scraggly hair pulled neatly back into the smallest bun you had ever seen. She was resting, her eyes closed as she rocked back and forth on the porch of her home.

"I was almost expecting you to not show up." Her voice broke the calming silence around you.

You wanted to move, but something restricted you from doing so. "Zelda. Zelda I miss you so much- There is no time for reconciling, my dear." She interrupted you, standing up with the aid of her cane to squabble her way down the steps and in front of you. "There is only time to warn you of just how much danger you are in." She added on.

"Zelda, what's going on? I don't even understand my own mind. Kylo, he treats me so _well_ and so _bad_ all at the same time." You began to explain, sighing aloud. "What's wrong with me? I would have laughed in my own face just a few months ago-"

Zelda shook her head. "You're beginning to fall victim to his tricks, my girl." She warned, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. "Tell me, how do you think Jaqueline and Atticus would feel, knowing their babygirl had fallen in love with the very man that murdered them?"

Your blood turned ice-cold, your emotions crashing into each other like a battling tide in a sea of frustration and confusion. Zelda was right. You couldn't possibly do this to your mother and father, no matter how utterly weak you felt around The First Order Commander.

"You need to pull yourself together, do not dare forget where you came from, love." Zelda advised, suddenly handing over your saber. You furrowed your eyebrows, taking it out of your hand. "Zelda, I love you." You whispered, pressing the button to turn on the saber.

To your surprise, the saber ignited a fiery red, absorbing all of the soft lighting that illuminated the force. In a blink of an eye, everything was _red._

You were about to scream, feeling your hands instinctively pushing up on the mattress in Kylo's room. Kylo held his hand over your mouth, his own body blocking your's from catapulting yourself off of the bed.

"It was a dream." Kylo assured you, his other hand now wrapped around your back to almost cradle you. He slowly removed his hand from your mouth, you were struggling to find any air to breathe, and Kylo hadn't even choked you. 

"I-I, I uh-" You tried to pick out the right words to say, wondering if you should try to explain. 

"I already know everything I need to know." Kylo muttered, his face inches from your's. 

"You feel the pull. You just _proved_ to yourself that you feel the pull." Kylo started, now holding your face in his hands, his gentle fingers rubbing against your cheeks. "You-" He sighed, still trying to find his own words. "You know how powerful you are, why aren't you embracing it?" He whispered your name, pausing to take in another breath. "This call to neutrality is nothing more than the space trash lingering outside. When someone carries this much power, there is no neutrality. There is only the acceptance of your destiny to rule this forsaken galaxy."

Kylo was starting to fall to the brink of tears. "We could rule it all together. Every single planet, every single moon. It could all be ours. Doesn't that sound so comforting? Knowing you have the entire galaxy in your hands?" 

Your furrowed your eyebrows, trying to back away. "Kylo- Please, Please. No more arguing, just say yes." Kylo begged, now cradling the nape of your neck.

"Kylo I really don't think I ca- **I'm in love with you.** " 

The words came out loud and clear, traveling from Kylo Ren's lips to slap you dead in the face. The heartless soon to be ruler of the galaxy was in love with _you._

"What?"

Kylo sputtered your name, the tears finally falling ever so gracefully from his eyes. "I'm so in love with you. Every meeting I go to, every planet siege, every galactical gala, I can't keep my mind off of the next time I see you. Every time I look at you you seem to become ten times more beautiful than the last. Can you not see what you're missing out on? You could have anything you ever wanted." 

Every word Kylo spoke was like a bullet hole to your entire dream you had dreamt, Zelda's words becoming far off in your mind.

"Kylo." You started, hoping this time you would be able to finish. "I have..." You paused, biting your lip. "I have to keep my word. I have to keep my promise." You finally choked out, now holding Kylo's face in your own hands.

He said nothing, instead, he leaned into you. He now wrapped his arms around you, and a drawn-out, hissing sob ensued. The very sound shattered your heart, a lump blocking the middle of your throat, making it hard to even breathe. You soothed Kylo to the best of your ability, gently rubbing circles on his bareback. You had both slept together that night, deciding it was now appropriate to do so from now on. All of Kylo's words repeated over and over in your mind, playing like a broken record spinning away into space, only interrupted by Kylo's muffled sobs into your sweater.

You now had no idea just how long you could hold on.


End file.
